Why is it, sometimes, that you can suddenly be hit by "blah"?
Life is good. But I feel... blah. Have you got any plans? No, I feel... blah. Did you have fun at the movies? Hhmmm I suppose. blah.
So, why do you feel like this? I dunno... blah.
Fiona, signing out.... blah.
Sunday 20 March 2011
Saturday 19 March 2011
Is exercise negotiable in your life? Part Two
For, me, exercise comes down to motivation - is there a convincing reason that gets me to exercise each day. When the reason is non-negotiable, then exercise will be part of my life.
I listed some non-negotiable exercise experiences from my life in my previous post. Another is when I have been part of a team sport - touch football, indoor soccer, outdoor soccer - and yes, I have played seasons of these social competitions while I was in my 20s. You train on the training nights, and you play the games when they are on. Being part of a team sport means the exercise is non-negotiable.
But what do I mean by negotiable exercise? I think it is exercise where YOU are the only person who experiences the consequences - negative or positive - of doing the exercise.
So, exercise then comes down to how convinced you are of the reason you are choosing to exercise.
Negotiable exercise #1
I have a myriad excuses to negotiate my way out of cycling to work these days.
Nowadays, I drive to work. I am obese, I don't feel that cycling is an option anymore because it is so hard to cycle that far. I have to pack all my clothes and toiletries for the shower, and leave a lot earlier and so on.
I race around Brisbane for meetings all over the city - so a car seems a far more sensible option than my bike (I don't even know if it works anymore!).
In my current circumstances, cycling is now a negotiable exercise option. And so far, all my excuses for NOT cycling to work are far more convincing that trying to cycle to work.
So, I am working to eliminate as many excuses as possible, because I LIKE commuter cycling, and it's great exercise.
Negotiable exercise #2
To lose weight, I started personal training last year for a few months, and one more month again this year. But I lost motivation to go because I wasn't losing weight. The reason to exercise was not convincing, I was doing the work, but not losing weight. The exercise was negotiable.
The were some nice consequences with PT - I could do 80 push ups in a session, I could do chin ups, sit ups were hard but doable. I had more muscle on my arms. But, those consequences were not enough to keep me going. There were not enough positive or negative consequences to keep me going to PT.
Negotiable exercise #3
Right now, I replaced PT and my ridiculous weight loss goals with training to do a 10km fun run in July. It is not a weight related goal - although I am hopint it will be a side-effect. And I would be pretty proud of myself to jog 10km.
So, is this reason to exercise convincing?
I don't know. I can stop it any time I want, becuase the only consequence would be to my own well-being, or feeling of achievement from jogging in a fun run.
It is hard - three times a week I am pushing myself to follow this training program I found online - and I am red, puffed, sweaty afterwards.
I almost quit the training last week because I had skipped three sessions... I was a "failure" to have stopped training, and would never be able to jog 10km anyway, so why bother.
It is likely that this training for a specific purpose is negotiable exercise, but at the moment, I am keeping my eye on the goal - to do the 10km Gold Coast Marathon Fun Run.
Conclusion
For me, the reason I exercise is key to whether I actually exercise. Weight loss doesn't seem to be a convincing enough reason to stay exercising long-term. It is too easy to quit if that is my only goal.
I listed some non-negotiable exercise experiences from my life in my previous post. Another is when I have been part of a team sport - touch football, indoor soccer, outdoor soccer - and yes, I have played seasons of these social competitions while I was in my 20s. You train on the training nights, and you play the games when they are on. Being part of a team sport means the exercise is non-negotiable.
But what do I mean by negotiable exercise? I think it is exercise where YOU are the only person who experiences the consequences - negative or positive - of doing the exercise.
So, exercise then comes down to how convinced you are of the reason you are choosing to exercise.
Negotiable exercise #1
I have a myriad excuses to negotiate my way out of cycling to work these days.
Nowadays, I drive to work. I am obese, I don't feel that cycling is an option anymore because it is so hard to cycle that far. I have to pack all my clothes and toiletries for the shower, and leave a lot earlier and so on.
I race around Brisbane for meetings all over the city - so a car seems a far more sensible option than my bike (I don't even know if it works anymore!).
In my current circumstances, cycling is now a negotiable exercise option. And so far, all my excuses for NOT cycling to work are far more convincing that trying to cycle to work.
So, I am working to eliminate as many excuses as possible, because I LIKE commuter cycling, and it's great exercise.
Negotiable exercise #2
To lose weight, I started personal training last year for a few months, and one more month again this year. But I lost motivation to go because I wasn't losing weight. The reason to exercise was not convincing, I was doing the work, but not losing weight. The exercise was negotiable.
The were some nice consequences with PT - I could do 80 push ups in a session, I could do chin ups, sit ups were hard but doable. I had more muscle on my arms. But, those consequences were not enough to keep me going. There were not enough positive or negative consequences to keep me going to PT.
Negotiable exercise #3
Right now, I replaced PT and my ridiculous weight loss goals with training to do a 10km fun run in July. It is not a weight related goal - although I am hopint it will be a side-effect. And I would be pretty proud of myself to jog 10km.
So, is this reason to exercise convincing?
I don't know. I can stop it any time I want, becuase the only consequence would be to my own well-being, or feeling of achievement from jogging in a fun run.
It is hard - three times a week I am pushing myself to follow this training program I found online - and I am red, puffed, sweaty afterwards.
I almost quit the training last week because I had skipped three sessions... I was a "failure" to have stopped training, and would never be able to jog 10km anyway, so why bother.
It is likely that this training for a specific purpose is negotiable exercise, but at the moment, I am keeping my eye on the goal - to do the 10km Gold Coast Marathon Fun Run.
Conclusion
For me, the reason I exercise is key to whether I actually exercise. Weight loss doesn't seem to be a convincing enough reason to stay exercising long-term. It is too easy to quit if that is my only goal.
Friday 18 March 2011
Is exercise negotiable in your life? Part One
I was answering a question posed by Beyond Willpower - How are you with exercise? She is doing some amazing work in her weightloss journey - having already lost 56 pounds, which is just brilliant.
And of course, in answering her question, I wrote far more than necessary for a comment. So, I thought it better to turn it into a blog post.
So, what is it with me and exercise? I'd like to think it was a love-hate relationship, but truthfully? It is mainly a hate relationship.
For, me, exercise comes down to motivation - is there a convincing reason that gets you to exercise each day. When the reason is non-negotiable, then exercise will be part of your life.
Part One: Non negotiable exercise in my life
Non-negotioable exercice #1
A decade ago, I was a commuter cyclist, riding an average of 15km each day to get to work and back home. From 1998 to 2005 I cycled every work day. I had three different jobs and five different homes over those years, so the daily cycling over those eight years was anywhere from 12km a day to 35km a day.
And this was non-negotiable. I had no car. It was either my extremely convenient bike or two buses each way. To me, cycling was the only option. So, exercise was part of my life.
To get to work, I needed to cycle.
Non-negotiable exercise #2
I have a dog. For me, it is non-negotiable that I walk twice a day with Dusty the dog - usually a longer session in the morning (minimum 20mins), a stroll in the afternoon (minimum 10mins).
She is extremely active, and I am at work during the day, so it is important to me that she gets in some good exercise to keep her healthy - mentally and physically. Dusty is my responsibility. So walking her is an everyday is part of my life.
Not everybody would see that dog ownership means daily (or twice daily) dog walking. But I do.
Conclusion
So, for me exercise must be non-negotiable. The reason must be so convincing to me that the exercise is just a part of the day.
And of course, in answering her question, I wrote far more than necessary for a comment. So, I thought it better to turn it into a blog post.
So, what is it with me and exercise? I'd like to think it was a love-hate relationship, but truthfully? It is mainly a hate relationship.
For, me, exercise comes down to motivation - is there a convincing reason that gets you to exercise each day. When the reason is non-negotiable, then exercise will be part of your life.
Part One: Non negotiable exercise in my life
Non-negotioable exercice #1
A decade ago, I was a commuter cyclist, riding an average of 15km each day to get to work and back home. From 1998 to 2005 I cycled every work day. I had three different jobs and five different homes over those years, so the daily cycling over those eight years was anywhere from 12km a day to 35km a day.
And this was non-negotiable. I had no car. It was either my extremely convenient bike or two buses each way. To me, cycling was the only option. So, exercise was part of my life.
To get to work, I needed to cycle.
Non-negotiable exercise #2
I have a dog. For me, it is non-negotiable that I walk twice a day with Dusty the dog - usually a longer session in the morning (minimum 20mins), a stroll in the afternoon (minimum 10mins).
She is extremely active, and I am at work during the day, so it is important to me that she gets in some good exercise to keep her healthy - mentally and physically. Dusty is my responsibility. So walking her is an everyday is part of my life.
Not everybody would see that dog ownership means daily (or twice daily) dog walking. But I do.
Conclusion
So, for me exercise must be non-negotiable. The reason must be so convincing to me that the exercise is just a part of the day.
Thursday 17 March 2011
The good space
I am in the good space. The one that can often preceed the descent into the pit.
Everything seems to be going well. I am challenging myself, I am making good choices, and well, the goals I am trying to achieve may actually seem achievable - losing weight and exercising each day is a reality...
I have had such a roller coaster relationship with weight, self-esteem, exercise, and my mental health, that I have come to distrust these optimistic times.
Usually, I will add more and more challenges to my life, more and more goals to achieve. Because I am feeling great, I am on top of the world, I am meeting my tiny challenges and goals quickly and easily. So of course I should try harder, lose weight quicker, do more exercise - "life isn't meant to be easy".
And what happens next? It DOES become too hard. I become bitterly disappointed that I haven't achieved my goals (I have missed training for a whole week, I am giving up), I haven't lost a gram, I am never going to meet my goals... and then this spirals into a dozen poor choices that lead to hiding under the bed covers for a day, or a week, or a month.
So, what I am going to do this time, while I am in this good space? Enjoy it! And not add more to my plate.
I am training for a 10km fun run in early July. All I have to do is follow the training program. So, that is what I am going to do.
And here is where it gets tricky. That is currently my only goal. And I SO want to include a food related goal. And, I am seduced by the idea of the Dukan Diet.
I am feeling good, and wanting to add another goal to the table. The little voice whispers, do Dukan, do Dukan do Dukan...
So much weight lost so quickly.... following Dukan....
Of course diets don't work - we have all been on them - it is when we get off them, then look at ourselves a few months later to see the weight back on (and more) - that is the diet cruelty. So, there is no doubt in my mind that in the short term Dukan will work...
So, am I going to kick start my weight loss by doing a month long dance with Dukan?
Hah!
I am not going to decide now. I am not going to pressure myself. And I am certainly NOT going to allow Dukan to do my head in and help me descend into the pit. Not this time, buster.
Everything seems to be going well. I am challenging myself, I am making good choices, and well, the goals I am trying to achieve may actually seem achievable - losing weight and exercising each day is a reality...
I have had such a roller coaster relationship with weight, self-esteem, exercise, and my mental health, that I have come to distrust these optimistic times.
Usually, I will add more and more challenges to my life, more and more goals to achieve. Because I am feeling great, I am on top of the world, I am meeting my tiny challenges and goals quickly and easily. So of course I should try harder, lose weight quicker, do more exercise - "life isn't meant to be easy".
And what happens next? It DOES become too hard. I become bitterly disappointed that I haven't achieved my goals (I have missed training for a whole week, I am giving up), I haven't lost a gram, I am never going to meet my goals... and then this spirals into a dozen poor choices that lead to hiding under the bed covers for a day, or a week, or a month.
So, what I am going to do this time, while I am in this good space? Enjoy it! And not add more to my plate.
I am training for a 10km fun run in early July. All I have to do is follow the training program. So, that is what I am going to do.
And here is where it gets tricky. That is currently my only goal. And I SO want to include a food related goal. And, I am seduced by the idea of the Dukan Diet.
I am feeling good, and wanting to add another goal to the table. The little voice whispers, do Dukan, do Dukan do Dukan...
So much weight lost so quickly.... following Dukan....
Of course diets don't work - we have all been on them - it is when we get off them, then look at ourselves a few months later to see the weight back on (and more) - that is the diet cruelty. So, there is no doubt in my mind that in the short term Dukan will work...
So, am I going to kick start my weight loss by doing a month long dance with Dukan?
Hah!
I am not going to decide now. I am not going to pressure myself. And I am certainly NOT going to allow Dukan to do my head in and help me descend into the pit. Not this time, buster.
Wednesday 16 March 2011
a little bit of blog empowerment
I feel empowered.
Last night I was on the way to a few poor decisions. But instead, I decided to write down what was going on inside my mind. And through editing, and rethinking, and re-writing, I came up with my previous blog post, along with a lucid understanding of what I was feeling and why I was wanting to do things like take up a diet, or quit the fun run training.
This is all good.
What am I doing about it? Absolutely nothing. With this second post, I assumed that I was "going to make a decision" - ditch the diet, get back to jogging. But, I am not. There is no rush. Work is stressful. And ALL I need to do is to do the best I possibly can. I don't have to form a goal, make a decision, strive for perfection, aim for the impossible.
All I need to do is take each moment as it comes. All I need to do is decide...
Do I really need a hot chocolate after dinner? No? Then don't have the hot chocolate.
Does the dog need a walk? Yes? Then I'll take the dog for a walk.
Do I need to go for a jog? No. But it may be good to do so, to do the next training session 6 minutes jogging, 1 minute walking (four times). It is only 28 minutes. I can just go around in circles - I don't have to determine the perfect route that avoids hills.
So, will I go for a jog in the morning? Most likely. I have set my alarm.
Last night I was on the way to a few poor decisions. But instead, I decided to write down what was going on inside my mind. And through editing, and rethinking, and re-writing, I came up with my previous blog post, along with a lucid understanding of what I was feeling and why I was wanting to do things like take up a diet, or quit the fun run training.
This is all good.
What am I doing about it? Absolutely nothing. With this second post, I assumed that I was "going to make a decision" - ditch the diet, get back to jogging. But, I am not. There is no rush. Work is stressful. And ALL I need to do is to do the best I possibly can. I don't have to form a goal, make a decision, strive for perfection, aim for the impossible.
All I need to do is take each moment as it comes. All I need to do is decide...
Do I really need a hot chocolate after dinner? No? Then don't have the hot chocolate.
Does the dog need a walk? Yes? Then I'll take the dog for a walk.
Do I need to go for a jog? No. But it may be good to do so, to do the next training session 6 minutes jogging, 1 minute walking (four times). It is only 28 minutes. I can just go around in circles - I don't have to determine the perfect route that avoids hills.
So, will I go for a jog in the morning? Most likely. I have set my alarm.
Tuesday 15 March 2011
To diet or not to diet - that is the question
I am in a spot of bother. I am in a little dither. What should I do?
Go on the dukan diet?
I saw a friend while in Singapore who had lost 25 pounds since the last time I saw her - she blames the Dukan Diet. I've looked it up and I am excited! I read the whole blog of a guy who lost 50 pounds following it
Of course, I am also worried about going on a diet, too. I mean, how many diets do I need to do before I realise that there is no quick fix to becoming healthy? Although, the results of the guy from the blog are pretty motivating!
Get back into the training for the 10km fun run?
I have missed three training sessions - the equivalent of a week's worth of training. And I am feeling extremely unmotivated to continue. I think I may be scared of the 3km time trial, and avoiding it by trying to quit.
Although on the plus side, I did run 1.5km with the dog this morning without turning into a beetroot, which I was chuffed about! It felt pretty comfortable to jog that distance. Three weeks ago, I couldn't jog that far at all. Which means the training program is working to improve my jogging fitness (not my thin fitness).
AAARRRGGGHHHH!!
I am in such a horrid mental space right now. Not depressed. Just stressed by work, and scared of a few of the large number of tasks I have to get through in the next three weeks. Real challenges to my professional life that lie completely outside my comfort zones, but are essential for me to do to gain experience and move to the next level.
When it comes to work, I hate failure. I find it unacceptable. And making mistakes is something I don't tolerate in myself either. And I feel extremely close to making lots of mistakes, and failing quite spectacularly, over the coming weeks.
It is extraordinarily uncomfortable. I feel extraordinarily uncomfortable. It is hitting every one of my neuroses that require a "let's fall in a heap and binge on ice-cream and watch tv repeats and avoid phone calls" sort of response.
No wonder I want to take up a quick fix diet option along with quitting the hard jogging stuff.
Go on the dukan diet?
I saw a friend while in Singapore who had lost 25 pounds since the last time I saw her - she blames the Dukan Diet. I've looked it up and I am excited! I read the whole blog of a guy who lost 50 pounds following it
Of course, I am also worried about going on a diet, too. I mean, how many diets do I need to do before I realise that there is no quick fix to becoming healthy? Although, the results of the guy from the blog are pretty motivating!
Get back into the training for the 10km fun run?
I have missed three training sessions - the equivalent of a week's worth of training. And I am feeling extremely unmotivated to continue. I think I may be scared of the 3km time trial, and avoiding it by trying to quit.
Although on the plus side, I did run 1.5km with the dog this morning without turning into a beetroot, which I was chuffed about! It felt pretty comfortable to jog that distance. Three weeks ago, I couldn't jog that far at all. Which means the training program is working to improve my jogging fitness (not my thin fitness).
AAARRRGGGHHHH!!
I am in such a horrid mental space right now. Not depressed. Just stressed by work, and scared of a few of the large number of tasks I have to get through in the next three weeks. Real challenges to my professional life that lie completely outside my comfort zones, but are essential for me to do to gain experience and move to the next level.
When it comes to work, I hate failure. I find it unacceptable. And making mistakes is something I don't tolerate in myself either. And I feel extremely close to making lots of mistakes, and failing quite spectacularly, over the coming weeks.
It is extraordinarily uncomfortable. I feel extraordinarily uncomfortable. It is hitting every one of my neuroses that require a "let's fall in a heap and binge on ice-cream and watch tv repeats and avoid phone calls" sort of response.
No wonder I want to take up a quick fix diet option along with quitting the hard jogging stuff.
Wednesday 9 March 2011
2 proud moments
Well, I have had two proud moments while overseas.
One. I have pretty much kept to my training schedule for the 10km fun run - I've been to these hotel gyms and done my 4 x 6 minutes run 2 minutes walk.
Two. I have not gorged myself senseless at buffet breakfast lines, nor eaten to the extent that my daily travel allowance dictates. My choices have not all been healthy, but I have been VERY reasonable on food consumption - never feeling full.
Two gold stars for sensible-ness while travelling.
One. I have pretty much kept to my training schedule for the 10km fun run - I've been to these hotel gyms and done my 4 x 6 minutes run 2 minutes walk.
Two. I have not gorged myself senseless at buffet breakfast lines, nor eaten to the extent that my daily travel allowance dictates. My choices have not all been healthy, but I have been VERY reasonable on food consumption - never feeling full.
Two gold stars for sensible-ness while travelling.
Saturday 5 March 2011
2 excuses for not blogging this week
What do you think of the following excuses? I have a huge smile on my face, and am about to go for a wander in this big city...
# One excuse for not blogging this week
I am currently writing this post from Hong Kong! I am here for work, have a wonderfully ritzy room, a lovely work colleague to travel with, and just feeling a teensy bit giddy with excitement.
# Two excuse for not blogging this week
I will be in Singapore by Tuesday night, heading back home to Australia on Saturday. So it is a whirlwind trip, and it is packed full with things to do for work (and for play).
See you when I see you!
# One excuse for not blogging this week
I am currently writing this post from Hong Kong! I am here for work, have a wonderfully ritzy room, a lovely work colleague to travel with, and just feeling a teensy bit giddy with excitement.
# Two excuse for not blogging this week
I will be in Singapore by Tuesday night, heading back home to Australia on Saturday. So it is a whirlwind trip, and it is packed full with things to do for work (and for play).
See you when I see you!
Friday 4 March 2011
8 ways to nuture myself and nourish my friendships
Nuture. Nourishment.
I had coffee with a friend after work yesterday. It was wonderful. She is a friend I love, but never see. One of my realisations is that I have no idea how to nourish or nurture my friendships. We talked about that.
My mother has no friends - just one she writes a christmas letter to each year. My father has friends, but doesn't actively socialise. All his friends are in the same country town that he lives in, so catching up is coincidental to getting the milk, or ploughing the field.
So I have no reference point for what normal adults do to be friends with another adult.
Now I am not blaming my parents. Being a friend isn't rocket science - you listen, you share, you help when it is needed and ask for help when you need it. I just don't have an automatic and natural impulse to pick up the phone and chat to people. Nor do I have a natural impulse to see friends regularly.
I made friends by doing an activity with them - singing in a choir together, doing the same course during university, working with them. When that activity ceases, my time with them ceases. I know theoretically that I need to put time and effort to nurture and maintain these important people in my life - it is a lack of practice, the impulse of habit. As I believe it is essential for my wellbeing to love others and be loved by them in return, so, I need to make time and arrange to catch up, to socialise, and to talk.
But, what is difficult is putting that into practice, when
a. This is a new habit to form - a new set of actions that need to have some of my time everyday
b. Most of my friendships have lain dormant and picking up the phone as if the years of silence were nothing, is rather daunting.
c. I have no idea how to form new friendships - they have their own friends, they wont want me
So, here are some of the ideas I have to help me nourish my friendships and nurture myself.
1. Yoga with a friend
I want to do a yoga session for health of mind and body. I have asked an old friend - a yogi - to find out about a weekly yoga session we can do together.
2. Going to the theatre
I have paid for a subscription to 6 plays in the state's theatre company - and so I will be seeing a group of friends for lunch and some theatre every other month.
3. Book club
I love reading, and a friend has been running a book club for a number of years. I have asked to join her book club. Now all I have to do is start reading the book each month. So, I will meet up with her regularly, and possibly make new friends.
4. Life drawing sessions
For a little while I was going every week to a life drawing group. I love tinkering with paints, and being able to draw what you see is pretty important to painting. Doing weekly drawing, though, would also help with keeping up creative practice. I haven't picked up a paintbrush in months.
Now for a year at least I have been INTENDING to go to this group each week. If I had someone to go with, then it would be easier to keep turning up each week. The problem is, I don't really have friends who are interested in drawing or painting. So, while this is a something I'd like to do, I have not yet found the best way to put it into my life.
5. Learning French
The cost of this one is likely to keep it on the back burner for a little while. But, I do have a friend who would consider taking up french classes with me.
6. Pampering with friends
Now, I am partial to an occasional manicure and pedicure. This is a recent addition to my life, but I do like having neat nails - it makes me feel all professional for work. So, the friend who may do french with me, does get a pedicure, so I am going to suggest to her that we go together and grab coffee aftewards.
7. Weekend farmers markets
My home town of Brisbane now has a multitude of farmers markets on offer for those interested in buying local. I am going to incorporate a farmers market catch up with a friend every other week as they live close by to my market of choice - or drop by their place if they aren't going to the market. As I already go to this market each week, it just means a little more time and planning.
8. Coffee catch-ups
And finally, the coffee catch up. There are quite a few friends - and people who could become friends - that I could arrange to have occasional (or more regular) catch up's over a drink. I have a bit of work to do here in organising a place and time in advance, but there is nothing hard about this, except perhaps finding time.
I had coffee with a friend after work yesterday. It was wonderful. She is a friend I love, but never see. One of my realisations is that I have no idea how to nourish or nurture my friendships. We talked about that.
My mother has no friends - just one she writes a christmas letter to each year. My father has friends, but doesn't actively socialise. All his friends are in the same country town that he lives in, so catching up is coincidental to getting the milk, or ploughing the field.
So I have no reference point for what normal adults do to be friends with another adult.
Now I am not blaming my parents. Being a friend isn't rocket science - you listen, you share, you help when it is needed and ask for help when you need it. I just don't have an automatic and natural impulse to pick up the phone and chat to people. Nor do I have a natural impulse to see friends regularly.
I made friends by doing an activity with them - singing in a choir together, doing the same course during university, working with them. When that activity ceases, my time with them ceases. I know theoretically that I need to put time and effort to nurture and maintain these important people in my life - it is a lack of practice, the impulse of habit. As I believe it is essential for my wellbeing to love others and be loved by them in return, so, I need to make time and arrange to catch up, to socialise, and to talk.
But, what is difficult is putting that into practice, when
a. This is a new habit to form - a new set of actions that need to have some of my time everyday
b. Most of my friendships have lain dormant and picking up the phone as if the years of silence were nothing, is rather daunting.
c. I have no idea how to form new friendships - they have their own friends, they wont want me
So, here are some of the ideas I have to help me nourish my friendships and nurture myself.
1. Yoga with a friend
I want to do a yoga session for health of mind and body. I have asked an old friend - a yogi - to find out about a weekly yoga session we can do together.
2. Going to the theatre
I have paid for a subscription to 6 plays in the state's theatre company - and so I will be seeing a group of friends for lunch and some theatre every other month.
3. Book club
I love reading, and a friend has been running a book club for a number of years. I have asked to join her book club. Now all I have to do is start reading the book each month. So, I will meet up with her regularly, and possibly make new friends.
4. Life drawing sessions
For a little while I was going every week to a life drawing group. I love tinkering with paints, and being able to draw what you see is pretty important to painting. Doing weekly drawing, though, would also help with keeping up creative practice. I haven't picked up a paintbrush in months.
Now for a year at least I have been INTENDING to go to this group each week. If I had someone to go with, then it would be easier to keep turning up each week. The problem is, I don't really have friends who are interested in drawing or painting. So, while this is a something I'd like to do, I have not yet found the best way to put it into my life.
5. Learning French
The cost of this one is likely to keep it on the back burner for a little while. But, I do have a friend who would consider taking up french classes with me.
6. Pampering with friends
Now, I am partial to an occasional manicure and pedicure. This is a recent addition to my life, but I do like having neat nails - it makes me feel all professional for work. So, the friend who may do french with me, does get a pedicure, so I am going to suggest to her that we go together and grab coffee aftewards.
7. Weekend farmers markets
My home town of Brisbane now has a multitude of farmers markets on offer for those interested in buying local. I am going to incorporate a farmers market catch up with a friend every other week as they live close by to my market of choice - or drop by their place if they aren't going to the market. As I already go to this market each week, it just means a little more time and planning.
8. Coffee catch-ups
And finally, the coffee catch up. There are quite a few friends - and people who could become friends - that I could arrange to have occasional (or more regular) catch up's over a drink. I have a bit of work to do here in organising a place and time in advance, but there is nothing hard about this, except perhaps finding time.
Thursday 3 March 2011
13 reasons to look forward, not back
The last few posts have all been about failure, losing control, making a mountain out of a molehill.
So, I thought it time to give out a positive message.
I have jogged 13 kilometres since Tuesday 22 February.
13 brilliant reasons to be proud. 13 reasons to look to the future, not the past. Regret is a waste of energy.
With my meltdown a few weeks ago, some things have changed, some things have stayed the same.
I still walk my dog twice a day
Dusty is such an important part of my life, but I am away at work during the day. So the walks are just as important for her as for me.
Now these walking sessions can be anything from a 5 minute amble to a 1 hour stride. But more often it is an amble/walk for 20 minutes. And that doesn't get my heart rate up enough for weight loss.
I quit training with my personal trainer
I was feeling resentful and angry and only just keeping the excuses at bay for missing sessions when.... I did miss a session and made up an excuse and... well that is a slippery slope of self-recriminations, "you are a failure" self-talk and such like. I just didn't want to turn my high-intensity exercise sessions into this type of internal battleground of guilt, denial and a whole lot of other emotional stuff.
It was exercise. I just need to include higher intensity exercise in my daily life. And I am not prepared to exhaust my emotions nor hang my "success" on going to PT.
So, with my change in focus from x kilos lost per week, I had to set another goal for my exercise, or I really wouldn't add exercise into my life.
Setting a goal without the scales numbers looming over me
While at work, I saw someones printing at the copier. Training schedules for the Gold Coast Marathon. Well, that was not something I was going to do. But, what I did like was the training diary itself - straightforward.
So, I jumped online, and behold, they had LOTS of training diaries for lots of different distances. I looked at the training diary for the 10km fun run, for a beginner (someone who had never run 10 before). It looks like something I could do. And that is MOTIVATING.
Guess who is doing a 20 week training program to run my first 10km fun run? I am pretty excited.
A friend asked last night if I thought I would be able to stick with this. I honestly don't know. But what I do want to concentrate on is the PRACTICE of including sessions of high-intensity exercise into my week - where I am red faced and puffed and sweaty.
No PT? No worries. Following a 10km fun run 20 week training program is working well.
So, I thought it time to give out a positive message.
I have jogged 13 kilometres since Tuesday 22 February.
13 brilliant reasons to be proud. 13 reasons to look to the future, not the past. Regret is a waste of energy.
With my meltdown a few weeks ago, some things have changed, some things have stayed the same.
I still walk my dog twice a day
Dusty is such an important part of my life, but I am away at work during the day. So the walks are just as important for her as for me.
Now these walking sessions can be anything from a 5 minute amble to a 1 hour stride. But more often it is an amble/walk for 20 minutes. And that doesn't get my heart rate up enough for weight loss.
I quit training with my personal trainer
I was feeling resentful and angry and only just keeping the excuses at bay for missing sessions when.... I did miss a session and made up an excuse and... well that is a slippery slope of self-recriminations, "you are a failure" self-talk and such like. I just didn't want to turn my high-intensity exercise sessions into this type of internal battleground of guilt, denial and a whole lot of other emotional stuff.
It was exercise. I just need to include higher intensity exercise in my daily life. And I am not prepared to exhaust my emotions nor hang my "success" on going to PT.
So, with my change in focus from x kilos lost per week, I had to set another goal for my exercise, or I really wouldn't add exercise into my life.
Setting a goal without the scales numbers looming over me
While at work, I saw someones printing at the copier. Training schedules for the Gold Coast Marathon. Well, that was not something I was going to do. But, what I did like was the training diary itself - straightforward.
So, I jumped online, and behold, they had LOTS of training diaries for lots of different distances. I looked at the training diary for the 10km fun run, for a beginner (someone who had never run 10 before). It looks like something I could do. And that is MOTIVATING.
Guess who is doing a 20 week training program to run my first 10km fun run? I am pretty excited.
A friend asked last night if I thought I would be able to stick with this. I honestly don't know. But what I do want to concentrate on is the PRACTICE of including sessions of high-intensity exercise into my week - where I am red faced and puffed and sweaty.
No PT? No worries. Following a 10km fun run 20 week training program is working well.
Wednesday 2 March 2011
When chocolate doesn't solve everything
I am obese, I have self-destructive food routines, and I have decided that this needs to change. I need to nurture and nourish my body and soul.
And the logical consequence of this epiphany? That I will resist change. Change is deeply uncomfortable. And when I am uncomfortable... When I feel bad or under pressure, or even just a little fatigued, eating chocolate is my solution to feeling better.
This cause and effect - I feel bad so I need a chocolate bar - is so deeply rooted in my psyche, my habits, my ruts and grooves, my way of being, that removing chocolate from my life is not going to help me get healthy.
Why? Because the problem isn't chocolate.
The problem is my fear of changing myself, even if it means changing for the better. I avoid feeling bad, feeling uncomfortable. I hate confrontation. So, I avoid change.
So, if I remove chocolate? All I'll do is buy a Hungry Jack's burger, or a bucket of custard. Whether it is straight away or in three weeks time when I "crack", I'll still equate feeling bad with the need to shove something in my mouth to smother that feeling.
So this whole "thing" is not about short-term chocolate denial, it is about sitting with the discomfort of the situation. Sitting with the sad feeling, accepting the consequence of a poor choice.
When chocolate doesn't solve the problem: scenario one
I am fatigued. So be fatigued. Don't try to pep up with a sugar hit. Work out what it is that makes me tired - not enough sleep the night before? Too much sugar earlier? Anaemic? Remedy that problem - go to bed earlier, cut up carrot sticks for slow release energy at afternoon tea rather than eating a cookie, buy some iron tables: don't try to triage it with the chocolate bar solution.
When chocolate doesn't solve the problem: scenario two
I slept in and haven't given myself time to prepare a good lunch. I am going to be late for work. Well, sit with the consequence of being late - accept it - and take the time to prepare lunch. Yes, you need to call your supervisor that you will be late, or apologse for being late to the person you are meeting. Sleeping in was a poor choice. The consequences are uncomfortable. The solution is to make lunch and apologise, NOT be on time and buy lunch.
THIS is the hard stuff.
And the logical consequence of this epiphany? That I will resist change. Change is deeply uncomfortable. And when I am uncomfortable... When I feel bad or under pressure, or even just a little fatigued, eating chocolate is my solution to feeling better.
This cause and effect - I feel bad so I need a chocolate bar - is so deeply rooted in my psyche, my habits, my ruts and grooves, my way of being, that removing chocolate from my life is not going to help me get healthy.
Why? Because the problem isn't chocolate.
The problem is my fear of changing myself, even if it means changing for the better. I avoid feeling bad, feeling uncomfortable. I hate confrontation. So, I avoid change.
So, if I remove chocolate? All I'll do is buy a Hungry Jack's burger, or a bucket of custard. Whether it is straight away or in three weeks time when I "crack", I'll still equate feeling bad with the need to shove something in my mouth to smother that feeling.
So this whole "thing" is not about short-term chocolate denial, it is about sitting with the discomfort of the situation. Sitting with the sad feeling, accepting the consequence of a poor choice.
When chocolate doesn't solve the problem: scenario one
I am fatigued. So be fatigued. Don't try to pep up with a sugar hit. Work out what it is that makes me tired - not enough sleep the night before? Too much sugar earlier? Anaemic? Remedy that problem - go to bed earlier, cut up carrot sticks for slow release energy at afternoon tea rather than eating a cookie, buy some iron tables: don't try to triage it with the chocolate bar solution.
When chocolate doesn't solve the problem: scenario two
I slept in and haven't given myself time to prepare a good lunch. I am going to be late for work. Well, sit with the consequence of being late - accept it - and take the time to prepare lunch. Yes, you need to call your supervisor that you will be late, or apologse for being late to the person you are meeting. Sleeping in was a poor choice. The consequences are uncomfortable. The solution is to make lunch and apologise, NOT be on time and buy lunch.
THIS is the hard stuff.
Tuesday 1 March 2011
Three reasons for two weeks of silence
What can take a girl away from her blog? Hmmm, quite a lot actually.
Reason one
A dummy spit. A foot stamp. A full-blown tanty (aka tantrum). Yep, I threw in the towel two weeks ago, and had along session of growling at myself and my ridiculously high expectations of reaching the "healthy me" in a few weeks.
Going up on the scales put a crack in my "steely determination". But truly, that is a lie. What I have really done is, once again, set up a whole plan that is destined to fail. I set my goals so high that they easily become unreachable. Lose 12 kilos in 8 weeks? How many of us ever do that, and if we do, how often have we kept it off?
Depression. My psychological modus operandi is to continually prove to myself that I am a failure. This dummy spit that I had two weeks ago is more about my paradigms (yes, I have a psychologist and a psychiatrist), and how I approach the world - in a way that is deeply rooted in destructive behaviours. As Darla said in My Winning Year (I paraphrase) - depression and anxiety often go hand in hand with obesity.
Reason two
Grief. Yes, for quite a few days I was just concentrating on making it through the day in the most functional way I could - getting my paid work done, and being cordial to my loved ones.
Working through grief via blogging was impossible for me. I started my hand-written journal at that time.
Usually - when I am not coping with life - I use my husband as a whipping post - getting angry and yelling at him when he asks any type of question - "how was work today?", "Did you pick up the mail?"...
It is one of the really horrid things about me - that the people I love most in the world are the ones who get treated poorly when the going gets tough. I have been intentionally trying to change this part of me, but it has taken all of my emotional energy to make it through these past few weeks.
Reason three
Trying to re-work my thinking around my "healthy me" goals and redefine my direction and intentions. I don't think I have completely sorted that out. At the time of writing this, the goals on the blog still read
-8 week challenge: lose 12 kilos by 7 March 2011
-5 week challenge: lose 5 kilos by 12 April 2011
- et al.
These goals will change. As Rick from Rick Gets Fit commented on one of my earlier posts - why don't I try to focus less on the scale?
Wise words.
Reason one
A dummy spit. A foot stamp. A full-blown tanty (aka tantrum). Yep, I threw in the towel two weeks ago, and had along session of growling at myself and my ridiculously high expectations of reaching the "healthy me" in a few weeks.
Going up on the scales put a crack in my "steely determination". But truly, that is a lie. What I have really done is, once again, set up a whole plan that is destined to fail. I set my goals so high that they easily become unreachable. Lose 12 kilos in 8 weeks? How many of us ever do that, and if we do, how often have we kept it off?
Depression. My psychological modus operandi is to continually prove to myself that I am a failure. This dummy spit that I had two weeks ago is more about my paradigms (yes, I have a psychologist and a psychiatrist), and how I approach the world - in a way that is deeply rooted in destructive behaviours. As Darla said in My Winning Year (I paraphrase) - depression and anxiety often go hand in hand with obesity.
Reason two
Grief. Yes, for quite a few days I was just concentrating on making it through the day in the most functional way I could - getting my paid work done, and being cordial to my loved ones.
Working through grief via blogging was impossible for me. I started my hand-written journal at that time.
Usually - when I am not coping with life - I use my husband as a whipping post - getting angry and yelling at him when he asks any type of question - "how was work today?", "Did you pick up the mail?"...
It is one of the really horrid things about me - that the people I love most in the world are the ones who get treated poorly when the going gets tough. I have been intentionally trying to change this part of me, but it has taken all of my emotional energy to make it through these past few weeks.
Reason three
Trying to re-work my thinking around my "healthy me" goals and redefine my direction and intentions. I don't think I have completely sorted that out. At the time of writing this, the goals on the blog still read
-8 week challenge: lose 12 kilos by 7 March 2011
-5 week challenge: lose 5 kilos by 12 April 2011
- et al.
These goals will change. As Rick from Rick Gets Fit commented on one of my earlier posts - why don't I try to focus less on the scale?
Wise words.
Wednesday 16 February 2011
The big lie - forming a habit in three weeks
I haven't posted here for a week. And that week is week four - half way through my eight week challenge.
After three weeks of eating healthily, exercising hard, and feeling virtuous, I went off the rails. I became completely unreasonable in my thinking about my health, and everything in my life was catastrophised.
That's right, after three weeks, the claim is that we have formed a new habit. But I have found out ...
THIS IS A LIE
What did I find? This blog post which actually sited a research article in a peer reviewed journal! Now we're talking...
AND this research suggested that 66 days was the average to have a habit turn into something automatic. The average. And that this was for simple things, like eating a piece of fruit with lunch, or drinking x glasses of water a day.
SO, for us peeps, trying to lose weight, eat more healthily, incorporate exericise into our daily life... HUGE changes to our habits, these things will take considerably longer.
The days it took to form simple habits in their set of test subjects were between 18 days and 254 days. For new habits to form that require major changes, we are talking a lot longer.
AND, the research also suggested a sub-group of people who took a lot longer to form habits. The study suggests that there is likely to be a group of people who are HABIT RESISTANT!
That is why it is almost impossible for me not to walk my dog each day. I have been walking my dog twice a day almost every day since April 2010. I may only walk Dusty once a day sometimes, but it is a pretty extraordinary day if I don't walk her at all. My dog walking habit is automatic.
But, my healthy eating? My high-intensity exercise? Nope, none of these are habits yet. So, I'll just keep on trying.
After three weeks of eating healthily, exercising hard, and feeling virtuous, I went off the rails. I became completely unreasonable in my thinking about my health, and everything in my life was catastrophised.
That's right, after three weeks, the claim is that we have formed a new habit. But I have found out ...
THIS IS A LIE
What did I find? This blog post which actually sited a research article in a peer reviewed journal! Now we're talking...
AND this research suggested that 66 days was the average to have a habit turn into something automatic. The average. And that this was for simple things, like eating a piece of fruit with lunch, or drinking x glasses of water a day.
SO, for us peeps, trying to lose weight, eat more healthily, incorporate exericise into our daily life... HUGE changes to our habits, these things will take considerably longer.
The days it took to form simple habits in their set of test subjects were between 18 days and 254 days. For new habits to form that require major changes, we are talking a lot longer.
AND, the research also suggested a sub-group of people who took a lot longer to form habits. The study suggests that there is likely to be a group of people who are HABIT RESISTANT!
That is why it is almost impossible for me not to walk my dog each day. I have been walking my dog twice a day almost every day since April 2010. I may only walk Dusty once a day sometimes, but it is a pretty extraordinary day if I don't walk her at all. My dog walking habit is automatic.
But, my healthy eating? My high-intensity exercise? Nope, none of these are habits yet. So, I'll just keep on trying.
Thursday 10 February 2011
21 steps forward, 11 steps back
I have gone on a bender.
I was going so well. Happy with the food choices I was making, feeling confident that what I was doing was helping me achieve my goals.
I was disappointed between the scale readings in week 2 and week 3 - only 500 grams down. In truth, three weeks of strong work and only down 2.1 kilos was disappointing me. That is slow progress in my book -and it certainly doesn't keep me on track to be successful in my challenge.
But on Feb 7, I had a sneak preview. And you cannot conceive my horror. I had gone up. It wasn't much in the grand scheme of things. 300 grams. But, I was eating clean and exercising my little heart out. I was even contemplating entering an effing fun run.
If I am doing all this, and I can't expect to lose weight, what is the point?
That was when the first chocolate bar went down my throat. I planned it too. Going to the shop and so on. I was so upset, and then just so angry. Truly angry to be betrayed by my body like that. To put on weight. So, I flipped the birdy and bought a chocolate bar. I didn't even taste it.
The following day, I was even more angry. It didn't matter that the reading for my weigh in day was steady at 89.6kgs - the same number as the week before. I hadn't gone down. My tactics to help me were not helping me. Oh, and no personal training. I cancelled it - by this time I was emotionally all over the place and had a pretty nasty headache.
I remained angry, brooding all day. Three chocolate bars slipped down this time.
Yesterday, anger is still the dominant emotion. I ate out twice - breakfast and lunch. No bread at brekky, and chose sashimi at lunch. In one corner of my mind I am not ready to throw in the towel completely.
But, yesterday I am still struggling. I want to curl up and cry. I want to scream and yell at everyone I meet. And of course, I now think there is no point to the challenge, no point to keep trying. I have screwed this up. And the anger hasn't gone away. Chocolate cake from the cafe at the base of my building. This cake is likely still motivated by anger, by despair that this neutral weekly weigh in has become so big an obstacle. But also prompted by the now insatiable need I have for sugar by 2pm every afternoon.
I am still angry. Last night I couldn't get to sleep, tossing and turning, getting out of bed, thinking over and over and over again about all the things I have and haven't done (work, eating, exercise). I have woken up early. I want to cancel training this morning - anger "What's the point", shame "what have I done?, pride "I don't want to admit this to anyone."
I am still angry. I hopped on the scales. I have put on 1.1kgs. I am up to 90.7kg. I feel fat and bloated. I feel constipated. And I really really really want to eat cereal this morning. and I really, really, really don't want to go to personal training.
I can't understand why I went up in the first place. But I can understand my reaction. I am still devastated, both by going up and by the binge that has followed.
I feel like I have been slapped in the face.
"You don't deserve to lose weight."
I feel like I have been laughed at.
"You think these pathetic attempts will work?"
I feel worthless.
"You deserve to be obese. Your plans will never work. You are kidding yourself. You will never do enough to succeed. You are not good enough to be slim."
My reality now is that in three days I have put on 1.1kilograms.
In other words? I have lost one kilogram over three weeks. And when I think that, I am ready to cry again. I have lost all perspective. But I have lost so much more: self worth, motivation, a sense of progress.
I was going so well. Happy with the food choices I was making, feeling confident that what I was doing was helping me achieve my goals.
I was disappointed between the scale readings in week 2 and week 3 - only 500 grams down. In truth, three weeks of strong work and only down 2.1 kilos was disappointing me. That is slow progress in my book -and it certainly doesn't keep me on track to be successful in my challenge.
But on Feb 7, I had a sneak preview. And you cannot conceive my horror. I had gone up. It wasn't much in the grand scheme of things. 300 grams. But, I was eating clean and exercising my little heart out. I was even contemplating entering an effing fun run.
If I am doing all this, and I can't expect to lose weight, what is the point?
That was when the first chocolate bar went down my throat. I planned it too. Going to the shop and so on. I was so upset, and then just so angry. Truly angry to be betrayed by my body like that. To put on weight. So, I flipped the birdy and bought a chocolate bar. I didn't even taste it.
The following day, I was even more angry. It didn't matter that the reading for my weigh in day was steady at 89.6kgs - the same number as the week before. I hadn't gone down. My tactics to help me were not helping me. Oh, and no personal training. I cancelled it - by this time I was emotionally all over the place and had a pretty nasty headache.
I remained angry, brooding all day. Three chocolate bars slipped down this time.
Yesterday, anger is still the dominant emotion. I ate out twice - breakfast and lunch. No bread at brekky, and chose sashimi at lunch. In one corner of my mind I am not ready to throw in the towel completely.
But, yesterday I am still struggling. I want to curl up and cry. I want to scream and yell at everyone I meet. And of course, I now think there is no point to the challenge, no point to keep trying. I have screwed this up. And the anger hasn't gone away. Chocolate cake from the cafe at the base of my building. This cake is likely still motivated by anger, by despair that this neutral weekly weigh in has become so big an obstacle. But also prompted by the now insatiable need I have for sugar by 2pm every afternoon.
I am still angry. Last night I couldn't get to sleep, tossing and turning, getting out of bed, thinking over and over and over again about all the things I have and haven't done (work, eating, exercise). I have woken up early. I want to cancel training this morning - anger "What's the point", shame "what have I done?, pride "I don't want to admit this to anyone."
I am still angry. I hopped on the scales. I have put on 1.1kgs. I am up to 90.7kg. I feel fat and bloated. I feel constipated. And I really really really want to eat cereal this morning. and I really, really, really don't want to go to personal training.
I can't understand why I went up in the first place. But I can understand my reaction. I am still devastated, both by going up and by the binge that has followed.
I feel like I have been slapped in the face.
"You don't deserve to lose weight."
I feel like I have been laughed at.
"You think these pathetic attempts will work?"
I feel worthless.
"You deserve to be obese. Your plans will never work. You are kidding yourself. You will never do enough to succeed. You are not good enough to be slim."
My reality now is that in three days I have put on 1.1kilograms.
In other words? I have lost one kilogram over three weeks. And when I think that, I am ready to cry again. I have lost all perspective. But I have lost so much more: self worth, motivation, a sense of progress.
Sunday 6 February 2011
Scale wars
I am officially weighing in once a week - on Tuesdays. However, like most people, I do jump on the scales through the week, for a sneak preview.
This morning - horror. I am UP 300grams from my weigh in last week. Now, I am eating healthily, I have nothing to hide in my food diary, and I am going to my PT sessions three times a week. I am actually proud of the work I am putting in.
So, HOW can this happen? How is it possible that I weigh more? I can understand steady - fat can be hard to budge. But UP?
A disgruntled Fi, signing off.
This morning - horror. I am UP 300grams from my weigh in last week. Now, I am eating healthily, I have nothing to hide in my food diary, and I am going to my PT sessions three times a week. I am actually proud of the work I am putting in.
So, HOW can this happen? How is it possible that I weigh more? I can understand steady - fat can be hard to budge. But UP?
A disgruntled Fi, signing off.
Saturday 5 February 2011
Dread and disappointment: two reactions to doing a fun run
To celebrate International Womens Day, there is a five kilometre fundraising Fun Run in Brisbane I could sign up for. After my 4 kilometre attempt up and down hills last week, I actually wouldn't mind giving it a go. Weird.
My emotional reaction to this is truly strange to me.
Dread
Last year, Andy-the-personal-trainer thought I was ready to do a 10 kilometre fun run, so that I could time myself and then try and better it at the next fun run "meet".
I wasn't keen. In fact, I was so panicked by the idea that I felt nauseous. I was making up excuses in my head for days, when I realised... I HAD A PRIOR COMMITMENT - I DIDN"T HAVE TO DO IT!!!
A friend had asked me to host her baby shower, which conveniently fell on the same day. I couldn't keep the grin off my face, actually having a REAL excuse not to do it. I was so very smug and deeply happy.
Disappointment
This time is different. I WANT to do the fun run!
But, it is on Sunday 6 March, and I am flying out to Asia for work on Friday 4 March. Bugger. And I actually mean it.
Something must be wrong with me. Usually I would be jumping up and down with excitement to be travelling for work! Usually I would be skipping with joy that I have a real reason for not entering a Fun Run.
But I am truly disappointed that I wont be entering.
Two possible reasons for the drastic change in my attitude to entering a Fun Run
1. Achievable
10 kilometres is the standard distance of fun runs in Australia, but I know I would be walking most of that. With a 5km circuit, there is the very slightest possibility of attempting to run/jog the whole thing. Hope is there. I have a gut feeling that I could actually jog 5 kilometres by 6 March. This is a challenge that I may be able to meet. And that is exciting. That is MOTIVATING!
2. The Right Time
The 5km fun run is also conveniently timed for the end of my 8 week challenge - which ends on 7 March. Serendipitous timing. The fact that I am feeling really proud of myself with the things I have done for the last few weeks. I am putting the work in to meet my goals. But I would need to keep on putting the work in to be able to jog 5kms. So, the timing is also MOTIVATING me to keep on with the great choices I am making each day (each hour, each minute).
What now?
As I write, I am even thinking whether I could do my own fun run. Find out what the circuit would be and get my husband to be my time-keeper, and do the 5km run just before I leave!
I really am feeling comfortable with the healthy eating choices I am making, and with the exercise I am doing.
The true aim of this 8 week challenge is to kickstart life-long changes to my eating and exercise habits.
May be it is working?
My emotional reaction to this is truly strange to me.
Dread
Last year, Andy-the-personal-trainer thought I was ready to do a 10 kilometre fun run, so that I could time myself and then try and better it at the next fun run "meet".
I wasn't keen. In fact, I was so panicked by the idea that I felt nauseous. I was making up excuses in my head for days, when I realised... I HAD A PRIOR COMMITMENT - I DIDN"T HAVE TO DO IT!!!
A friend had asked me to host her baby shower, which conveniently fell on the same day. I couldn't keep the grin off my face, actually having a REAL excuse not to do it. I was so very smug and deeply happy.
Disappointment
This time is different. I WANT to do the fun run!
But, it is on Sunday 6 March, and I am flying out to Asia for work on Friday 4 March. Bugger. And I actually mean it.
Something must be wrong with me. Usually I would be jumping up and down with excitement to be travelling for work! Usually I would be skipping with joy that I have a real reason for not entering a Fun Run.
But I am truly disappointed that I wont be entering.
Two possible reasons for the drastic change in my attitude to entering a Fun Run
1. Achievable
10 kilometres is the standard distance of fun runs in Australia, but I know I would be walking most of that. With a 5km circuit, there is the very slightest possibility of attempting to run/jog the whole thing. Hope is there. I have a gut feeling that I could actually jog 5 kilometres by 6 March. This is a challenge that I may be able to meet. And that is exciting. That is MOTIVATING!
2. The Right Time
The 5km fun run is also conveniently timed for the end of my 8 week challenge - which ends on 7 March. Serendipitous timing. The fact that I am feeling really proud of myself with the things I have done for the last few weeks. I am putting the work in to meet my goals. But I would need to keep on putting the work in to be able to jog 5kms. So, the timing is also MOTIVATING me to keep on with the great choices I am making each day (each hour, each minute).
What now?
As I write, I am even thinking whether I could do my own fun run. Find out what the circuit would be and get my husband to be my time-keeper, and do the 5km run just before I leave!
I really am feeling comfortable with the healthy eating choices I am making, and with the exercise I am doing.
The true aim of this 8 week challenge is to kickstart life-long changes to my eating and exercise habits.
May be it is working?
Friday 4 February 2011
Four reasons why am I using a personal trainer
Considering the amount of money I spent in 2010 on personal training sessions, and only seeing very poor results, you'd think I would never use a personal trainer again. $2000 = 5 kilos lost. My first personal trainer experience was a big FAIL.
But, that was my fault. Not theirs.
Nebulous goal + no changes to eating = FAIL
Here are four reasons why I am using a personal trainer again in 2011
Because I need help.
I have a specific goal, and I am not confident that I have enough will-power to get out of bed and do a meaningful high intensity workout for 45 minutes without someone there waiting for me to turn up. My excuses are legendary. And, I don't want to start out with the enthusiasm most projects start out with, only to see them fizzing very soon after.
The PT is there to make me do the workout even when I really, really, really, really couldn't give a damn that I am staving off diabetes, or wanting to fit into my valedictory dress, or when the devil on your shoulder tells you that "you've I've already done heaps, you deserve a break".
Because I have a goal
I have a clearly articulated SPECIFIC goal, that is measurable and time-limited. I want to achieve my goal - and so I will do whatever it takes to help me get there. And since I know myself pretty well now, I could easily chuck it all in when my depression hits, or if work becomes too tough, or ... well you get the picture.
I have a goal, and I am used to dissappointing myself by not meeting my goals. A personal trainer will be a constant reminder of my goal.
Because I am committed to healhty eating
I finally acknowledge that I ate myself into this size, every bite counted. I have also seen that just getting fitter does not help me get skinnier - and I am $2000 worse off for that timely piece of self-awareness. So, no matter how much I want that hot cocoa after dinner, I am committed to changing my eating habits. I am maintaining a food diary. I have committed to paleo eating for four weeks (and likely eight).
Because I am making those changes to diet, I expect my personal training sessions to provide me with weight-loss results.
A plan for life without PT
I can't see the point of my goal - to maintain a healthy BMI for the rest of my life - IF I have to have three (3) personal training sessions each week for the rest of my life to achieve it.
So, I have already put limits on how long I will go to a personal trainer. This allows me to have control over my goal and my INTENTIONS for exercise - fitness for life. I am using the personal training to achieve my first 8 week challenge. There are other ways for the remaining goals to be achieved - PT may or may not be part of the plan.
For example, in my first 5 week challenge (to 12 April) I intend to replace 2 weeks worth (6) of personal training sessions with 10 sessions of hot yoga - steamy sweaty 1 hour yoga sessions. This will give me a break from PT, will give me some insight into how my body responds to different types of exercise, and will help me determine whether I actually turn up to a group class after promising myself I would. It will also give my hip pocket a break - the hot yoga is local and has a 10 session introductory offer!
But, that was my fault. Not theirs.
Nebulous goal + no changes to eating = FAIL
Here are four reasons why I am using a personal trainer again in 2011
Because I need help.
I have a specific goal, and I am not confident that I have enough will-power to get out of bed and do a meaningful high intensity workout for 45 minutes without someone there waiting for me to turn up. My excuses are legendary. And, I don't want to start out with the enthusiasm most projects start out with, only to see them fizzing very soon after.
The PT is there to make me do the workout even when I really, really, really, really couldn't give a damn that I am staving off diabetes, or wanting to fit into my valedictory dress, or when the devil on your shoulder tells you that "you've I've already done heaps, you deserve a break".
Because I have a goal
I have a clearly articulated SPECIFIC goal, that is measurable and time-limited. I want to achieve my goal - and so I will do whatever it takes to help me get there. And since I know myself pretty well now, I could easily chuck it all in when my depression hits, or if work becomes too tough, or ... well you get the picture.
I have a goal, and I am used to dissappointing myself by not meeting my goals. A personal trainer will be a constant reminder of my goal.
Because I am committed to healhty eating
I finally acknowledge that I ate myself into this size, every bite counted. I have also seen that just getting fitter does not help me get skinnier - and I am $2000 worse off for that timely piece of self-awareness. So, no matter how much I want that hot cocoa after dinner, I am committed to changing my eating habits. I am maintaining a food diary. I have committed to paleo eating for four weeks (and likely eight).
Because I am making those changes to diet, I expect my personal training sessions to provide me with weight-loss results.
A plan for life without PT
I can't see the point of my goal - to maintain a healthy BMI for the rest of my life - IF I have to have three (3) personal training sessions each week for the rest of my life to achieve it.
So, I have already put limits on how long I will go to a personal trainer. This allows me to have control over my goal and my INTENTIONS for exercise - fitness for life. I am using the personal training to achieve my first 8 week challenge. There are other ways for the remaining goals to be achieved - PT may or may not be part of the plan.
For example, in my first 5 week challenge (to 12 April) I intend to replace 2 weeks worth (6) of personal training sessions with 10 sessions of hot yoga - steamy sweaty 1 hour yoga sessions. This will give me a break from PT, will give me some insight into how my body responds to different types of exercise, and will help me determine whether I actually turn up to a group class after promising myself I would. It will also give my hip pocket a break - the hot yoga is local and has a 10 session introductory offer!
Thursday 3 February 2011
My personal trainer experience #3
In 2010, because my goal was all about fat loss rather than fitness, Andy wanted me to commit to healthy eating.
My introduction to the Paleo Diet
Andy is an advocate of the Paleo diet and lifestyle - there are plenty of sites that discuss the diet, but at its basis - eat what our ancestors ate: meat, veg, fruit, nuts. What's missing? Dairy, pulses, legumes, grains, sugar.
My weight-loss plan
Andy wanted me to go "strict paleo" for the first four weeks to kickstart healthy eating, and go to personal training three times a week (45 minute sessions).
He also repeatedly said that a food diary is the single best tool I could use for weight loss.
The outcome
FAIL. I had so many excuses for not writing my food diary, and for not bothering to change my eating habits.
As for paleo? While I didn't tell this to Andy, there was no way was I giving up breakfast cereal, hot buttered toast, cheese and sugary treats when I was doing so much exercise!
Surprise surprise, I only lost 5 kilos over several months. I thought the exercise would be enough. I was wrong.
So is having a personal trainer worth it?
Only if you are committed to healthy eating as well. And only if you have specific goals.
The AU$2000ish dollars I spent on personal training in 2010 did not show $2000-worth of results.
Was the experience a waste? No. For two reasons. I DID get a lot stronger. From not being able to do a push up, to doing 80 in a session! So, while I only lost five kilos over those few months, I did increase my fitness.
AND, fast-forward to 2011. I am using a personal trainer again.
My introduction to the Paleo Diet
Andy is an advocate of the Paleo diet and lifestyle - there are plenty of sites that discuss the diet, but at its basis - eat what our ancestors ate: meat, veg, fruit, nuts. What's missing? Dairy, pulses, legumes, grains, sugar.
My weight-loss plan
Andy wanted me to go "strict paleo" for the first four weeks to kickstart healthy eating, and go to personal training three times a week (45 minute sessions).
He also repeatedly said that a food diary is the single best tool I could use for weight loss.
The outcome
FAIL. I had so many excuses for not writing my food diary, and for not bothering to change my eating habits.
As for paleo? While I didn't tell this to Andy, there was no way was I giving up breakfast cereal, hot buttered toast, cheese and sugary treats when I was doing so much exercise!
Surprise surprise, I only lost 5 kilos over several months. I thought the exercise would be enough. I was wrong.
So is having a personal trainer worth it?
Only if you are committed to healthy eating as well. And only if you have specific goals.
The AU$2000ish dollars I spent on personal training in 2010 did not show $2000-worth of results.
Was the experience a waste? No. For two reasons. I DID get a lot stronger. From not being able to do a push up, to doing 80 in a session! So, while I only lost five kilos over those few months, I did increase my fitness.
AND, fast-forward to 2011. I am using a personal trainer again.
Wednesday 2 February 2011
My personal training experience #2
At my first session in 2010 with Andy-the-personal-trainer, it was all about benchmarking.
The nitty gritty
Andy weighed me, measured me up (arms, thighs, chest, waist, hips), and pinched my fat to measure that too. All extremely humiliating while he was alway upbeat and cheerful.
The rest of the session was doing a series of exercises to "benchmark" me against what he called standard measures - how fast I rowed 500 metres, sit ups, push ups, and so on. It was intense, but I did feel the feel-good endorphins flowing afterwards (and sore for quite a few days after it).
Goalsetting
And we talked about my goals. I was not very specific about that, just saying I wanted to be "fitter", and healthy before I tried to get pregnant. Losing weight was what I was specifically after.
Andy wanted me to think of goals like "run a marathon", or "bench-press 60 kilos". I had no idea what he was talking about, and I had no ambition to run a marathon. I wanted to lose weight, so I said my goal was to fit into a size 10.
So we discussed my diet. More in the next post.
Tuesday 1 February 2011
Week 2 wrap up
Weigh in day today, and while not brilliant on the scales, I am not one to complain about a downward trend.
Tuesday 1 February 2011 - 89.6kg (home scales)
Why am I blue? It is all to do with the lovely hormones. At least I now understand why I was completely overwrought angry and emotional for a few days late last week, why I have been craving sugar (chocolate preferred), and why I have been feeling so bloated and uncomfortable despite eating far cleaner than I have for quite a few months. It is THAT time of month.
What makes this quite emotionally traumatic for me, though, is that six weeks ago I was pregnant. But, I lost my daughter. So this is my body telling me it is back in the baby making game if I want to be. I am not sure if I am.
So, if I am feeling less than enthusiastic about my successes this week - and there have been quite a few successes - so be it. I am giving myself permission to be as blue as I need to be.
But, for the record my achievements this week
Tuesday 1 February 2011 - 89.6kg (home scales)
Why am I blue? It is all to do with the lovely hormones. At least I now understand why I was completely overwrought angry and emotional for a few days late last week, why I have been craving sugar (chocolate preferred), and why I have been feeling so bloated and uncomfortable despite eating far cleaner than I have for quite a few months. It is THAT time of month.
What makes this quite emotionally traumatic for me, though, is that six weeks ago I was pregnant. But, I lost my daughter. So this is my body telling me it is back in the baby making game if I want to be. I am not sure if I am.
So, if I am feeling less than enthusiastic about my successes this week - and there have been quite a few successes - so be it. I am giving myself permission to be as blue as I need to be.
But, for the record my achievements this week
- Getting below 90kilos and losing a total of 2.1 kilos by week 2
- Going to all my personal training sessions
- Running/walking/jogging 4kms in under 30 minutes
- Succumbing to a piece of cake and NOT turning it into a binge session. Twice
- Getting to a low of 89.4kg before the bloat took me back into the 90's.
- Taking Dusty for a long walk this morning when it would have been easier to leave it when my legs felt like jelly after my training session (100 thrusters, 50 burpees)
- choosing healthy options while dining out
Monday 31 January 2011
My personal trainer experience #1
If you are keeping up with the Joneses, well, just EVERYONE has a personal trainer these days.
But in my mind, those people with personal trainers in parks or at the beach or (heaven forbid) at the gym, are already super fit and toned and tanned and beautiful and... NOT like me - obese, inflexible, and just a tad un-coordinated.
Why follow the crowd and get a personal trainer?
By mid 2010, I was in dire straights - 95 kilos. BMI 34. I wanted to start a family, and being this heavy would not help me or any baby I may have.
Since dieting and self motivation at a gym had done nothing for the last four years, I decided I needed the motivation and accountability of a personal trainer.
Choosing a PT
During some searches online for "becoming a mother", I stumbled across a link to AJ Fitness in Carina, Brisbane. They had a "mother's club" providing babysitting while you worked out. I thought that sounded grand, they were only a few kilometres away, so I called up Andy Jeffrey.
Their program
The AJ Fitness recommendations were straight-foward: regular high-intensity activity coupled with drastic changes to eating habits. It seems my eating habits - eat whatever I want whenever I felt like it - were not appropriate.
Oh, and he wanted me to start "tomorrow", so I booked in the session, feeling a little bit dazed, and a whole lot nervous.
But in my mind, those people with personal trainers in parks or at the beach or (heaven forbid) at the gym, are already super fit and toned and tanned and beautiful and... NOT like me - obese, inflexible, and just a tad un-coordinated.
Why follow the crowd and get a personal trainer?
By mid 2010, I was in dire straights - 95 kilos. BMI 34. I wanted to start a family, and being this heavy would not help me or any baby I may have.
Since dieting and self motivation at a gym had done nothing for the last four years, I decided I needed the motivation and accountability of a personal trainer.
Choosing a PT
During some searches online for "becoming a mother", I stumbled across a link to AJ Fitness in Carina, Brisbane. They had a "mother's club" providing babysitting while you worked out. I thought that sounded grand, they were only a few kilometres away, so I called up Andy Jeffrey.
Their program
The AJ Fitness recommendations were straight-foward: regular high-intensity activity coupled with drastic changes to eating habits. It seems my eating habits - eat whatever I want whenever I felt like it - were not appropriate.
Oh, and he wanted me to start "tomorrow", so I booked in the session, feeling a little bit dazed, and a whole lot nervous.
Sunday 30 January 2011
The paleo problem #3: saying no to sugar
Paleo eating means saying no to sugar. This is EXTREMELY difficult. Why?
I am finding it difficult this week. My first week of paleo eating was fine. This weekend - a lot harder. I am emotional and moody, so I expect hormones are getting me going at the moment. And my normal reaction to being emotional and moody? Sweet sweet baked goods (or chocolate of course).
I did a marathon baking session before going on this challenge to get rid of sugar in my pantry. The result? A lot of sweet treats like cake, biscuits and cupcakes, portioned in little packets in the freezer for my husband to take to work as treats.
At 3pm on Saturday and 3pm on Sunday, I ate a slice of cake from the freezer. It is done. But my feelings?
Eating paleo actually makes getting rid of sugar in my diet easier, because the only "allowed" food that has significant sugar levels in it is fruit.
Despite my cake setbacks on the weekend, I could be convinced to remove sugar from my diet forever more. Why?
I am currently reading Sweet Poison, so I am pretty convinced that sugar is evil and I want it out of my life completely. Stay tuned for further information to this monumental change in my life.
- Sugar is an addictive substance and we suffer chemical withdrawal symptoms when we stop eating products containing sugar
- We all eat around one (1) kilo of sugar each week - even if you don't sweeten your tea - as sugar is added to every conceivable food product that is mass produced (reference - Sweet Poison).
I am finding it difficult this week. My first week of paleo eating was fine. This weekend - a lot harder. I am emotional and moody, so I expect hormones are getting me going at the moment. And my normal reaction to being emotional and moody? Sweet sweet baked goods (or chocolate of course).
I did a marathon baking session before going on this challenge to get rid of sugar in my pantry. The result? A lot of sweet treats like cake, biscuits and cupcakes, portioned in little packets in the freezer for my husband to take to work as treats.
At 3pm on Saturday and 3pm on Sunday, I ate a slice of cake from the freezer. It is done. But my feelings?
- Disappointed. I ate cake when I said I wouldn't.
- Resigned - so I at least tried to taste each bite rather than eat it mindlessly.
- Happy - I didn't turn it into a binge fest as I stuck to one piece of cake each day.
Eating paleo actually makes getting rid of sugar in my diet easier, because the only "allowed" food that has significant sugar levels in it is fruit.
Despite my cake setbacks on the weekend, I could be convinced to remove sugar from my diet forever more. Why?
I am currently reading Sweet Poison, so I am pretty convinced that sugar is evil and I want it out of my life completely. Stay tuned for further information to this monumental change in my life.
Breakfast without eggs
I have given up grains for eight weeks and am struggling with eating eggs at every breakfast meal.
Researching breakfast in my extensive recipe book collection did not come up with any gems, apart from versions of fruit salad.
What I have been doing is having left-overs. That's right. I am ignoring the stereotype of breakfast and just treating it like lunch or dinner. So, this morning I reheated home-made rissoles with leftover roast pumpkin. It was quick and tasty.
Quick rissole recipe - mix together 500g mince, 2 eggs, 1 grated carrot, 4-6 tablespoons of hazelnut meal, roll portions of mince mixture into patties and shallow fry or BBQ until cooked.
Oh, and after writing out the recipe, I realise the meal DID have egg in it, but I couldn't taste it or see it, so I am happy.
Next time I go shopping, I am going to buy very thin steaks to eat for breakfast, too. And for quick options, I have smoked salmon in the fridge and I'll eat a few slices of those on the run with an apple (protein and carbohydrate), or wrap some ham (or proscuito) around slices of rockmelon for an unusual but super tasty meal.
Researching breakfast in my extensive recipe book collection did not come up with any gems, apart from versions of fruit salad.
What I have been doing is having left-overs. That's right. I am ignoring the stereotype of breakfast and just treating it like lunch or dinner. So, this morning I reheated home-made rissoles with leftover roast pumpkin. It was quick and tasty.
Quick rissole recipe - mix together 500g mince, 2 eggs, 1 grated carrot, 4-6 tablespoons of hazelnut meal, roll portions of mince mixture into patties and shallow fry or BBQ until cooked.
Oh, and after writing out the recipe, I realise the meal DID have egg in it, but I couldn't taste it or see it, so I am happy.
Next time I go shopping, I am going to buy very thin steaks to eat for breakfast, too. And for quick options, I have smoked salmon in the fridge and I'll eat a few slices of those on the run with an apple (protein and carbohydrate), or wrap some ham (or proscuito) around slices of rockmelon for an unusual but super tasty meal.
Saturday 29 January 2011
Three PT sessions done for the week
As usual, I am feeling sore and stiff in all sorts of places I didn't even know I had muscles.
After a heavy session of squats, two days later I can barely step down the stairs in my townhouse, let alone lever myself out of bed.
Hmmm. Is this exercise lark worth it? Remember the goal - from obese to overweight. I can do this.
And how do I ease my muscles?
Last year, I tried "Deep Heat" with disastrous results - I put too much on!!! And the cold-hot heat burned so badly on my poor squat-sore thighs that it made me cry. I had to get into the shower to try and rub any possible residue off. And briefly, that stung even more. I haven't touched the stuff since.
And I am slightly scared of getting a massage. I am used to getting a massage to ease tension built up from work - both physical where I sit (poorly) in front of a computer - and mental, where I am stressing about deadlines and project plans.
I can't imagine how massage will help repair my torn muscle tissue.
Because that is what exercise is - activity designed to tear the muscle tissue so that the body has to heal it and make the tissue stronger (or something along those lines). Ouch.
Let me know if massage helps ease your sore muscles after high intensity training...
After a heavy session of squats, two days later I can barely step down the stairs in my townhouse, let alone lever myself out of bed.
Hmmm. Is this exercise lark worth it? Remember the goal - from obese to overweight. I can do this.
And how do I ease my muscles?
Last year, I tried "Deep Heat" with disastrous results - I put too much on!!! And the cold-hot heat burned so badly on my poor squat-sore thighs that it made me cry. I had to get into the shower to try and rub any possible residue off. And briefly, that stung even more. I haven't touched the stuff since.
And I am slightly scared of getting a massage. I am used to getting a massage to ease tension built up from work - both physical where I sit (poorly) in front of a computer - and mental, where I am stressing about deadlines and project plans.
I can't imagine how massage will help repair my torn muscle tissue.
Because that is what exercise is - activity designed to tear the muscle tissue so that the body has to heal it and make the tissue stronger (or something along those lines). Ouch.
Let me know if massage helps ease your sore muscles after high intensity training...
Ouch - 4km benchmark run
This morning's personal training session was... a 4km benchmark run. What does this mean? It means that once every six months or so, the boys at AJ Fitness record what time it takes their clients to run 4km. It is a way of measuring improvements in fitness.
I jogged and walked those 4kms in 29 minutes 30 seconds. I jogged the first kilometre in 5 minutes, which I am pretty chuffed about. But the rest... well, let's just say I was puffing like a steam train just walking the up-hill bits let alone jogging the down hill bits.
I jogged and walked those 4kms in 29 minutes 30 seconds. I jogged the first kilometre in 5 minutes, which I am pretty chuffed about. But the rest... well, let's just say I was puffing like a steam train just walking the up-hill bits let alone jogging the down hill bits.
Friday 28 January 2011
Eating out
Last night I went with friends to see the musical Wicked. It was great. And truly, I loved hearing Australian TV icon Bert Newton sing and dance - to a song that could have been written for him - I am wonderful!
But, I was also eating out for the first time since starting my 8 week challenge.
I was in South Bank, Brisbane, home to a multitude of cafes and restaurants specialising in all the cuisines of the world.
Thai was out - almost all of their meals are smothered in a sauce and most of those sauces have sugar in them - brown sugar, palm sugar, that sort of thing.
Turkish cuisine would have been fine - lots of grilled meat to choose from the menu. But the place was already busy and I was on a timeline - I couldn't afford to have long or delayed service.
So, I settled for Japanese as I am quite a fan of sashimi, and ordered a side of tempura vegetables. Now the purists will know that tempura is a batter, and as such non-paleo. Also, I can't resist dunking my sashimi in wasabi-flooded soya sauce - the soy is not paleo either.
But, I am still pretty happy with my omega three protein hit last night - as a good choice, and a lovely meal. But in hindsight, should not have bothered with the tempura.
But, I was also eating out for the first time since starting my 8 week challenge.
I was in South Bank, Brisbane, home to a multitude of cafes and restaurants specialising in all the cuisines of the world.
Thai was out - almost all of their meals are smothered in a sauce and most of those sauces have sugar in them - brown sugar, palm sugar, that sort of thing.
Turkish cuisine would have been fine - lots of grilled meat to choose from the menu. But the place was already busy and I was on a timeline - I couldn't afford to have long or delayed service.
So, I settled for Japanese as I am quite a fan of sashimi, and ordered a side of tempura vegetables. Now the purists will know that tempura is a batter, and as such non-paleo. Also, I can't resist dunking my sashimi in wasabi-flooded soya sauce - the soy is not paleo either.
But, I am still pretty happy with my omega three protein hit last night - as a good choice, and a lovely meal. But in hindsight, should not have bothered with the tempura.
Thursday 27 January 2011
The paleo problem # 2 saying no to breakfast staples
I have eaten eggs for breakfast since starting out on this journey. 9 mornings. And can I just say... I AM SICK OF EGGS!
If grains are out, what else is there to eat at breakfast?
Saying no to standard breakfast products will be a challenge for eight weeks.Why? What else is quicker or more convenient than pouring from the cereal packet, or popping the toast? Oh, and can I just repeat that I am REALLY sick of eggs?
Bread in Australia
While some mass produced breads are getting better in the supermarket ailses, most are just bleh. So, giving up grains should be simple, yes?
Not when Leavain and other artisan bakers come onto the scene.
Leavain... their bread is just SO good. From wholesome to wicked, their yeasty products are superb. My husband only buys bread from Leavain or from bakers at the Saturday Village Markets in Kelvin Grove- where a baker bring along their massive portable oven and bake the breads right there.
Where bread is whole grained, sour doughed, and fresh, where wheat is an option rather than a standard flour, then yes, saying no to grains is a whole lot harder.
Giving up bread will require some serious researching for breakfast alternatives.
My husband will continue to bring that Leavain goodness into the home, but I still have hope of not touching bread for eight weeks. My secret? Without butter, what is the point of eating bread?
If grains are out, what else is there to eat at breakfast?
Saying no to standard breakfast products will be a challenge for eight weeks.Why? What else is quicker or more convenient than pouring from the cereal packet, or popping the toast? Oh, and can I just repeat that I am REALLY sick of eggs?
Bread in Australia
While some mass produced breads are getting better in the supermarket ailses, most are just bleh. So, giving up grains should be simple, yes?
Not when Leavain and other artisan bakers come onto the scene.
Leavain... their bread is just SO good. From wholesome to wicked, their yeasty products are superb. My husband only buys bread from Leavain or from bakers at the Saturday Village Markets in Kelvin Grove- where a baker bring along their massive portable oven and bake the breads right there.
Where bread is whole grained, sour doughed, and fresh, where wheat is an option rather than a standard flour, then yes, saying no to grains is a whole lot harder.
Giving up bread will require some serious researching for breakfast alternatives.
My husband will continue to bring that Leavain goodness into the home, but I still have hope of not touching bread for eight weeks. My secret? Without butter, what is the point of eating bread?
Wednesday 26 January 2011
The paleo problem #1: saying no to dairy
Am I convinced of the paleo diet? Not entirely. Although I have only been on it for a week, so perhaps I should reserve judgement.
No to dairy?
How can anyone say no to cheese, and butter, and cream, and yoghurt, and ... well, lots of good stuff?
I am a dairy farmer's daughter, so giving up dairy is a difficult one for me. I love nothing better than to have a wonderful soft goats cheese spread across some freshly baked leavain bread drizzled with a little olive oil and a scattering of herbs... or, as my confession suggested - I love nothing better than a dash of cream in my hot chocolate.
But, I am committed. For the eight week goal, dairy food is no longer part of my life.
No to dairy?
How can anyone say no to cheese, and butter, and cream, and yoghurt, and ... well, lots of good stuff?
I am a dairy farmer's daughter, so giving up dairy is a difficult one for me. I love nothing better than to have a wonderful soft goats cheese spread across some freshly baked leavain bread drizzled with a little olive oil and a scattering of herbs... or, as my confession suggested - I love nothing better than a dash of cream in my hot chocolate.
But, I am committed. For the eight week goal, dairy food is no longer part of my life.
Tuesday 25 January 2011
A sweet treat after dinner
I did not realise how strong my need for a sweet after dinner was. I don't recall eating puddings or desserts, but perhaps it had become so customary for me to have a hot chocolate, or eat a home-baked or store bought treat after dinner that I stopped thinking about it a long time ago.
Did I even taste the sweet? Did I think twice about what was in my mouth? Did I even registered that I was looking for something sweet to eat? I suspect the answer is no.
Did I even taste the sweet? Did I think twice about what was in my mouth? Did I even registered that I was looking for something sweet to eat? I suspect the answer is no.
Week 1 success
Week one of the eight week challenge is over. And I am pretty pleased.
And the results of this spartan discipline (sans the hot cocoa)?
1.6 kilos down!!!
Now I am off to training where I should be weighed in too.
The scales at home and at training don't match up, but not too badly from what I can tell. The first weigh in showed the home scales at 91.7; the PT scales at 91.9.
- I have completed three personal training sessions, which included a personal best for 500m rowing (2.01 minutes).
- I walked the dog 12 times (missed two sessions).
- I completed one session of hill sprints.
- I have been sugar free for 7 days
- I completed my food diary each day.
- I have eaten strictly paleo, with the exception of the hot chocolate debacle.
And the results of this spartan discipline (sans the hot cocoa)?
1.6 kilos down!!!
- Tuesday 17 January I was 91.7 kilos (home scales)
- Tuesday 25 January I am 90.1 kilos (home scales
Now I am off to training where I should be weighed in too.
The scales at home and at training don't match up, but not too badly from what I can tell. The first weigh in showed the home scales at 91.7; the PT scales at 91.9.
Monday 24 January 2011
Hill sprints and a confession
Well today incorporates both sweet success and bitter failure.
I walked Dusty this morning for a good long striding walk and then... wait for it... I did 10 repetitions of hill sprints. I am pretty chuffed with myself.
I am tired now - bone weary in fact after my first day back at work from time off, and getting our dinner ready (baked lemon and oregano chicken with roast pumpkin and steamed greens). But the kitchen is cleared now, leftovers for lunches packed, and with a little time left over to write this post.
My failure? Hot chocolate. Now it is both very bad and not so bad. I made it on a teaspoon of bitter cocoa powder and a teaspoon of barley malt syrup (a natural fructose-free sweetener) with hot water and a brief pour of (this is the very bad bit)... cream. I have had this four times during the week.
This is the only anti-paleo food I have eaten. Is that an excuse? A plea for forgiveness? Nope. I did it. I acknolwedge it. I move on. Today ends the hot chocolates.
I walked Dusty this morning for a good long striding walk and then... wait for it... I did 10 repetitions of hill sprints. I am pretty chuffed with myself.
I am tired now - bone weary in fact after my first day back at work from time off, and getting our dinner ready (baked lemon and oregano chicken with roast pumpkin and steamed greens). But the kitchen is cleared now, leftovers for lunches packed, and with a little time left over to write this post.
My failure? Hot chocolate. Now it is both very bad and not so bad. I made it on a teaspoon of bitter cocoa powder and a teaspoon of barley malt syrup (a natural fructose-free sweetener) with hot water and a brief pour of (this is the very bad bit)... cream. I have had this four times during the week.
This is the only anti-paleo food I have eaten. Is that an excuse? A plea for forgiveness? Nope. I did it. I acknolwedge it. I move on. Today ends the hot chocolates.
Sunday 23 January 2011
Scheduling dog walking and hill sprints into my week
After my chat with Will-the-personal-trainer, I have to add in dog walking AND hill sprints to help me get over the line and achieve 12 kilos in 8 weeks.
Dog walking.
Now dog walking WAS fine. In the first months I had Dusty, I was walking her up to 2 hours a day, striding around the neighbourhood. In the last month, I have barely made it to 20 minutes each walking session, and make that an amble rather than a walk.
So, I have to get my act together and walk at least 30 minutes each session - for Dusty's sake as well as mine.
- 2 x 20-30 minute walking sessions each day
Hill sprints.
The hill sprints? Groan. I will have to enlist the help of my husband on this one. He much prefers hill sprints to a jog. Crazy man.
So, I got his grudging agreement yesterday that he would commit to one session of hill sprints with me a week - and maybe two sessions. I am not going to enjoy that, but together we should at least get them done.
I am having trouble scheduling in a time with my husband for this. He is in flux with his own training schedule at the moment, so this may have to be ad hoc in the first few weeks.
Saturday 22 January 2011
What I need to do to achieve goal number one? Addendum
At my training session today I asked Will - a lovely trainer who works with Andy - for further advice on my first goal and how to get there.
He confirmed that my goal was achievable, to go from obese to overweight in eight weeks. However, he knows I have to lose 12 kilos rather than 10, so he suggested a few other things as well.
To help me get there, Will said I should make sure I keep up walking the dog twice a day, and include a session (or two?) of hill sprints through the week.
So the tactics to achieve my goal are
Will my lifestyle have to adjust? Yes. But I already committed to that when I stopped ingesting sugar dairy and grains...
The bottom line is my goal - to maintain a healthy weight for life. I don't want to be obese any longer. I want to reach my goal. And the first step is to watch what I put in my mouth. The second is to get more active.
So, I say, yes, I can do this. With help.
He confirmed that my goal was achievable, to go from obese to overweight in eight weeks. However, he knows I have to lose 12 kilos rather than 10, so he suggested a few other things as well.
To help me get there, Will said I should make sure I keep up walking the dog twice a day, and include a session (or two?) of hill sprints through the week.
So the tactics to achieve my goal are
- A committed change to my diet
- Keep a food diary
- 3 x 45 minute high intensity personal training sessions a week
- A fourth high intensity group session by week 3(ish)
- 1 or 2 hill sprint sessions a week
- Daily dog walks (I walk Dusty twice a day)
More sensible people would say things like, "there are way too many new habits that I have to include in my regular routine", or "you've got to be kidding, no way can I include that much exercise into my already busy week", or perhaps what I said..."OMG, hill sprints?"
Will my lifestyle have to adjust? Yes. But I already committed to that when I stopped ingesting sugar dairy and grains...
The bottom line is my goal - to maintain a healthy weight for life. I don't want to be obese any longer. I want to reach my goal. And the first step is to watch what I put in my mouth. The second is to get more active.
So, I say, yes, I can do this. With help.
Friday 21 January 2011
Going paleo for 8 weeks
The Diet.
Andy-the-personal-trainer is a Paleo Diet enthusiast. You can find more on the diet here.
He wants me to commit to four weeks of strict paleo at least. Considering I am trying to lose an average of 1.5 kilos a week, I believe I'll have to be strict paleo for the full eight weeks.
What does this "paleo diet" mean for me?
It means simply eating meals made up from meat, eggs, vegetables, fruit (limited), nuts, and oils.
What is missing? Well, I am to eliminate dairy, sugar, grains, legumes, pulses and alcohol from my diet. Ouch.
Is paleo forever, for me?
For some people, eating paleo is their lifestyle - or so it seems from blogs and websites I've read. I am not so convinced. How can a chick pea be evil?
However, for eight weeks I am going to be super strict on the types of food I am going to eat. But afterwards?
Learning what moderation means, and what I can and cannot eat (and drink) to maintain a healthy BMI... That is a problem I will leave for later.
Andy-the-personal-trainer is a Paleo Diet enthusiast. You can find more on the diet here.
He wants me to commit to four weeks of strict paleo at least. Considering I am trying to lose an average of 1.5 kilos a week, I believe I'll have to be strict paleo for the full eight weeks.
What does this "paleo diet" mean for me?
It means simply eating meals made up from meat, eggs, vegetables, fruit (limited), nuts, and oils.
What is missing? Well, I am to eliminate dairy, sugar, grains, legumes, pulses and alcohol from my diet. Ouch.
Is paleo forever, for me?
For some people, eating paleo is their lifestyle - or so it seems from blogs and websites I've read. I am not so convinced. How can a chick pea be evil?
However, for eight weeks I am going to be super strict on the types of food I am going to eat. But afterwards?
Learning what moderation means, and what I can and cannot eat (and drink) to maintain a healthy BMI... That is a problem I will leave for later.
Thursday 20 January 2011
Exercise scheduled in
Some sources say only exercise will help you lose weight. Others say only diet will help you lose weight. Most say, try both to lose weight.
Goals to do with losing kilos are not Andy-the-personal-trainer's preference. But, as he said, "While it is the easiest way to measure success, it is not the best. But, you do have a bit of weight to lose, so let's use that for your first goal." Thanks Andy. Appreciated.
The training.
I have scheduled three high intensity training sessions.
I haven't sorted out a group session time yet. I'll do that next week.
Good, exercise scheduled in. Tick.
Goals to do with losing kilos are not Andy-the-personal-trainer's preference. But, as he said, "While it is the easiest way to measure success, it is not the best. But, you do have a bit of weight to lose, so let's use that for your first goal." Thanks Andy. Appreciated.
The training.
I have scheduled three high intensity training sessions.
- Tuesday 6.30am
- Thursday 6.30am
- Saturday 7.00am
I haven't sorted out a group session time yet. I'll do that next week.
Good, exercise scheduled in. Tick.
Wednesday 19 January 2011
What I need to do to achieve goal number one?
I need to change my lifestyle to be able to achieve my goal of getting to 80 kilos by 7 March.
I contacted Andy from AJ Fitness last week to help me.
He has said my goal to lose 10 kilos in 8 weeks was achievable. I was 90 kilos when I called him. However, when I started with him on Tuesday 17 January, I was 92 kilos. So, I am not sure if 12 kilos lost in 8 weeks is achievable. I'll keep you posted.
Andy demands
I contacted Andy from AJ Fitness last week to help me.
He has said my goal to lose 10 kilos in 8 weeks was achievable. I was 90 kilos when I called him. However, when I started with him on Tuesday 17 January, I was 92 kilos. So, I am not sure if 12 kilos lost in 8 weeks is achievable. I'll keep you posted.
Andy demands
- A change in my diet.
- Keep a food diary
- 3 x 45 minute training sessions a week
- A fourth group session by week 3(ish)
Tuesday 18 January 2011
It begins today!
I begin my 8 week challenge this morning, with my first session with Andy-the-personal-trainer. Wish me luck.
So, what has changed to make me motivated to lose 12 kilos by 7 March?
What has really changed? Nothing that I can see but a feeling of determination that I cannot explain.
Is it being the new year perhaps? Or is it driven from my personal tragedy? I fell pregnant but my baby was stillborn - is this to help me concentrate on looking after myself to avoid falling into sever depression?
I know in my gut that I am the only one who can change the way I eat, look, and feel. I have also just read the Sweet Poison quit plan, so maybe I am laying all my hopes that I will not overeat once I remove sugar from my life? I am not sure. Yet.
So, what has changed to make me motivated to lose 12 kilos by 7 March?
What has really changed? Nothing that I can see but a feeling of determination that I cannot explain.
Is it being the new year perhaps? Or is it driven from my personal tragedy? I fell pregnant but my baby was stillborn - is this to help me concentrate on looking after myself to avoid falling into sever depression?
I know in my gut that I am the only one who can change the way I eat, look, and feel. I have also just read the Sweet Poison quit plan, so maybe I am laying all my hopes that I will not overeat once I remove sugar from my life? I am not sure. Yet.
Monday 17 January 2011
Why try and try and try again?
I have never been a yo yo dieter. That is what I have alway said to myself. But honestly, that is a lie.
Here are my remembered dieting attempts
Has it worked? No, it hasn't.
Will this time be different?
A very good question, and one that scares me deeply.
Here are my remembered dieting attempts
- 2006 - a blog to post up my daily food and exercise diary - three posts, fail.
- 2007 - Lite n'Easy
- 2008 - Tony Ferguson liquid diet - I can't believe I thought that would work
- 2009 - Cohen's Lifestyle program - hard core, and I found it impossible to stay on the wagon
- 2010 - Curves - quite good actually, but adopting a troubled dog put a stop to the gym visits
Has it worked? No, it hasn't.
Will this time be different?
A very good question, and one that scares me deeply.
Sunday 16 January 2011
Goal number one
Because 3 - 0 - is way too big a number in terms of the losing kilos, I have decided on an immediate short term goal to help me on the way to my ULTIMATE GOAL- maintaining a healthy BMI for the rest of my life.
Remembering what makes an achievable goal - specific, measurable, time-targetted, realistic - I am going to concentrate on going from inhabiting the "obese" category and slip into the "overweight" category.
My goal is to go from obese to overweight within eight weeks.
On Friday 14 January, my scales said I was 91.9 kilos.
For me to become "overweight" I need to lose 11.9 kilos and get to 80 kilos or lower.
To reach my goal I must lose 11.9 kilos and weigh 80 kilos or less by Tuesday 7 March, 2011.
I think that is specific, measurable and time-targeted. Is it realistic? It is going to be extremely tough to lose an average of 1.5 kilos over eight weeks. But I think the goal has to be challenging, and I will get advice to see if it is realistic!
Remembering what makes an achievable goal - specific, measurable, time-targetted, realistic - I am going to concentrate on going from inhabiting the "obese" category and slip into the "overweight" category.
My goal is to go from obese to overweight within eight weeks.
On Friday 14 January, my scales said I was 91.9 kilos.
For me to become "overweight" I need to lose 11.9 kilos and get to 80 kilos or lower.
To reach my goal I must lose 11.9 kilos and weigh 80 kilos or less by Tuesday 7 March, 2011.
I think that is specific, measurable and time-targeted. Is it realistic? It is going to be extremely tough to lose an average of 1.5 kilos over eight weeks. But I think the goal has to be challenging, and I will get advice to see if it is realistic!
Saturday 15 January 2011
My Ultimate Goal
Ultimate Goal: To maintain a healthy BMI (22-24) for the rest of my life.
Let me unpack what my ultimate goal actually means for me right now, today.
Wikipedia tells me that a good goal needs to be "specific, measurable, and time-targetted"... and that if it is "realistic" it is more likely to be achieved.
Specific
I am 92 kilos (202 pounds). To reach a BMI of 22.5 - exactly halfway between the "healthy" numbers 20-25 - I need to be 62 kilos.
I need to lose 30 kilos (66 pounds). hmm...
I am already feeling too much pressure just writing that number. Way too big a number, way too big a goal to start off with. No way can I lose 30 kilos. I am already feeling scared and wanting to grab a chocolate bar.
That completely FAILS the "realistic" side of a good goal.
I am going to have to break down my ultimate goal - to maintain a healthy BMI - into smaller achievable parts if I am even going to TRY to do this.
Let me unpack what my ultimate goal actually means for me right now, today.
Wikipedia tells me that a good goal needs to be "specific, measurable, and time-targetted"... and that if it is "realistic" it is more likely to be achieved.
Specific
I am 92 kilos (202 pounds). To reach a BMI of 22.5 - exactly halfway between the "healthy" numbers 20-25 - I need to be 62 kilos.
I need to lose 30 kilos (66 pounds). hmm...
I am already feeling too much pressure just writing that number. Way too big a number, way too big a goal to start off with. No way can I lose 30 kilos. I am already feeling scared and wanting to grab a chocolate bar.
That completely FAILS the "realistic" side of a good goal.
I am going to have to break down my ultimate goal - to maintain a healthy BMI - into smaller achievable parts if I am even going to TRY to do this.
Friday 14 January 2011
Four years obese
This blog started in 2006 when I weighed in at 85 kilos - officially obese according to the body mass index (BMI) classifications. It was my attempt to keep me accountable to lose weight. It failed. I wrote three posts.
Fast foward to January 2011. I am 92 kilos, with a BMI of 33. Well and truly obese.
I will use this blog to track my journey from obesity to a healthy me. There will be challenges and pit falls - but I am ready to help myself.
My ultimate goal? To maintain a healthy BMI for the rest of my life.
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Fast foward to January 2011. I am 92 kilos, with a BMI of 33. Well and truly obese.
I will use this blog to track my journey from obesity to a healthy me. There will be challenges and pit falls - but I am ready to help myself.
My ultimate goal? To maintain a healthy BMI for the rest of my life.
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