I am obese, I have self-destructive food routines, and I have decided that this needs to change. I need to nurture and nourish my body and soul.
And the logical consequence of this epiphany? That I will resist change. Change is deeply uncomfortable. And when I am uncomfortable... When I feel bad or under pressure, or even just a little fatigued, eating chocolate is my solution to feeling better.
This cause and effect - I feel bad so I need a chocolate bar - is so deeply rooted in my psyche, my habits, my ruts and grooves, my way of being, that removing chocolate from my life is not going to help me get healthy.
Why? Because the problem isn't chocolate.
The problem is my fear of changing myself, even if it means changing for the better. I avoid feeling bad, feeling uncomfortable. I hate confrontation. So, I avoid change.
So, if I remove chocolate? All I'll do is buy a Hungry Jack's burger, or a bucket of custard. Whether it is straight away or in three weeks time when I "crack", I'll still equate feeling bad with the need to shove something in my mouth to smother that feeling.
So this whole "thing" is not about short-term chocolate denial, it is about sitting with the discomfort of the situation. Sitting with the sad feeling, accepting the consequence of a poor choice.
When chocolate doesn't solve the problem: scenario one
I am fatigued. So be fatigued. Don't try to pep up with a sugar hit. Work out what it is that makes me tired - not enough sleep the night before? Too much sugar earlier? Anaemic? Remedy that problem - go to bed earlier, cut up carrot sticks for slow release energy at afternoon tea rather than eating a cookie, buy some iron tables: don't try to triage it with the chocolate bar solution.
When chocolate doesn't solve the problem: scenario two
I slept in and haven't given myself time to prepare a good lunch. I am going to be late for work. Well, sit with the consequence of being late - accept it - and take the time to prepare lunch. Yes, you need to call your supervisor that you will be late, or apologse for being late to the person you are meeting. Sleeping in was a poor choice. The consequences are uncomfortable. The solution is to make lunch and apologise, NOT be on time and buy lunch.
THIS is the hard stuff.
4 comments:
Brilliant post. So true. We must learn to sit with our uncomfortable feelings. Little by little, bit by bit - we will get there. I'm with you!
Thanks Darla - having the epiphany is one thing. Acting on it is another. Chipping away at it one day at a time.
I have a blog at this site too and it is generally the same topic. Let's follow each other and provide feedback so we can both get where we want to go.
myrasjourney.blogspot.com
Thanks for popping by Myra. I have had a quick look at some of your posts and yes, I agree with you about measuring success.
However, you and I are on the opposite sides of the political fence. For example, I am deeply troubled by your attitude towards citizenship and deporting people who have been born in - and have only ever known - your country. To deport someone to a place where they have no ties, no connections, is sending them to a death sentence. We in Australia did that to a man. And he died. He didn't know the language of his ancestral country, and had no family there. It was a highly immoral action and one that I am deeply ashamed of as an Australian and with a parliament that still starts every session invoking God.
Myra, you may wish to unfollow me.
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