Dread and disappointment: two reactions to doing a fun run

To celebrate International Womens Day, there is a five kilometre fundraising Fun Run in Brisbane I could sign up for.  After my 4 kilometre attempt up and down hills last week, I actually wouldn't mind giving it a go.  Weird.

My emotional reaction to this is truly strange to me. 

Dread
Last year, Andy-the-personal-trainer thought I was ready to do a 10 kilometre fun run, so that I could time myself and then try and better it at the next fun run "meet".

I wasn't keen. In fact, I was so panicked by the idea that I felt nauseous.  I was making up excuses in my head for days, when I realised... I HAD A PRIOR COMMITMENT - I DIDN"T HAVE TO DO IT!!!

A friend had asked me to host her baby shower, which conveniently fell on the same day. I couldn't keep the grin off my face, actually having a REAL excuse not to do it.  I was so very smug and deeply happy.


Disappointment
This time is different.  I WANT to do the fun run!

But, it is on Sunday 6 March, and I am flying out to Asia for work on Friday 4 March.  Bugger. And I actually mean it.

Something must be wrong with me.  Usually I would be jumping up and down with excitement to be travelling for work!  Usually I would be skipping with joy that I have a real reason for not entering a Fun Run.

But I am truly disappointed that I wont be entering.

Two possible reasons for the drastic change in my attitude to entering a Fun Run

1. Achievable
10 kilometres is the standard distance of fun runs in Australia, but I know I would be walking most of that.  With a 5km circuit, there is the very slightest possibility of attempting to run/jog the whole thing.  Hope is there. I have a gut feeling that I could actually jog 5 kilometres by 6 March.  This is a challenge that I may be able to meet.  And that is exciting. That is MOTIVATING!

2. The Right Time 
The 5km fun run is also conveniently timed for the end of my 8 week challenge - which ends on 7 March.  Serendipitous timing.  The fact that I am feeling really proud of myself with the things I have done for the last few weeks.  I am putting the work in to meet my goals. But I would need to keep on putting the work in to be able to jog 5kms.  So, the timing is also MOTIVATING me to keep on with the great choices I am making each day (each hour, each minute).


What now?
As I write, I am even thinking whether I could do my own fun run.  Find out what the circuit would be and get my husband to be my time-keeper, and do the 5km run just before I leave!


I really am feeling comfortable with the healthy eating choices I am making, and with the exercise I am doing.

The true aim of this 8 week challenge is to kickstart life-long changes to my eating and exercise habits.

May be it is working?

Four reasons why am I using a personal trainer

Considering the amount of money I spent in 2010 on personal training sessions, and only seeing very poor results, you'd think I would never use a personal trainer again.  $2000 = 5 kilos lost.   My first personal trainer experience was a big FAIL.

But, that was my fault. Not theirs.

Nebulous goal + no changes to eating = FAIL

Here are four reasons why I am using a personal trainer again in 2011

Because I need help.
I have a specific goal, and I am not confident that I have enough will-power to get out of bed and do a meaningful high intensity workout for 45 minutes without someone there waiting for me to turn up.  My excuses are legendary.  And, I don't want to start out with the enthusiasm most projects start out with, only to see them fizzing very soon after.

The PT is there to make me do the workout even when I really, really, really, really couldn't give a damn that I am staving off diabetes, or wanting to fit into my valedictory dress, or when the devil on your shoulder tells you that "you've I've already done heaps, you deserve a break".

Because I have a goal
I have a clearly articulated SPECIFIC goal, that is measurable and time-limited. I want to achieve my goal - and so I will do whatever it takes to help me get there.  And since I know myself pretty well now, I could easily chuck it all in when my depression hits, or if work becomes too tough, or ... well you get the picture.

I have a goal, and I am used to dissappointing myself by not meeting my goals. A personal trainer will be a constant reminder of my goal.

Because I am committed to healhty eating
I finally acknowledge that I ate myself into this size, every bite counted.  I have also seen that just getting fitter does not help me get skinnier - and I am $2000 worse off for that timely piece of self-awareness.  So, no matter how much I want that hot cocoa after dinner, I am committed to changing my eating habits. I am maintaining a food diary. I have committed to paleo eating for four weeks (and likely eight).

Because I am making those changes to diet, I expect my personal training sessions to provide me with weight-loss results.

A plan for life without PT
I can't see the point of my goal - to maintain a healthy BMI for the rest of my life - IF I have to have three (3) personal training sessions each week for the rest of my life to achieve it.

So, I have already put limits on how long I will go to a personal trainer.  This allows me to have control over my goal and my INTENTIONS for exercise - fitness for life.  I am using the personal training to achieve my first 8 week challenge.  There are other ways for the remaining goals to be achieved - PT may or may not be part of the plan.

For example, in my first 5 week challenge (to 12 April) I intend to replace 2 weeks worth (6) of personal training sessions with 10 sessions of hot yoga - steamy sweaty 1 hour yoga sessions.  This will give me a break from PT, will give me some insight into how my body responds to different types of exercise, and will help me determine whether I actually turn up to a group class after promising myself I would. It will also give my hip pocket a break - the hot yoga is local and has a 10 session introductory offer!

My personal trainer experience #3

In 2010, because my goal was all about fat loss rather than fitness, Andy wanted me to commit to healthy eating.


My introduction to the Paleo Diet
Andy is an advocate of the Paleo diet and lifestyle - there are plenty of sites that discuss the diet, but at its basis - eat what our ancestors ate: meat, veg, fruit, nuts. What's missing?  Dairy, pulses, legumes, grains, sugar.

My weight-loss plan
Andy wanted me to go "strict paleo" for the first four weeks to kickstart healthy eating, and go to personal training three times a week (45 minute sessions).

He also repeatedly said that a food diary is the single best tool I could use for weight loss.

The outcome
FAIL.  I had so many excuses for not writing my food diary, and for not bothering to change my eating habits.

As for paleo? While I didn't tell this to Andy, there was no way was I giving up breakfast cereal, hot buttered toast, cheese and sugary treats when I was doing so much exercise! 

Surprise surprise, I only lost 5 kilos over several months.  I thought the exercise would be enough. I was wrong.

So is having a personal trainer worth it?
Only if you are committed to healthy eating as well.  And only if you have specific goals.

The AU$2000ish dollars I spent on personal training in 2010 did not show $2000-worth of results.

Was the experience a waste?  No.  For two reasons.  I DID get a lot stronger. From not being able to do a push up, to doing 80 in a session! So, while I only lost five kilos over those few months, I did increase my fitness.

AND, fast-forward to 2011. I am using a personal trainer again.

My personal training experience #2

At my first session in 2010 with Andy-the-personal-trainer, it was all about benchmarking.

The nitty gritty
Andy weighed me, measured me up (arms, thighs, chest, waist, hips), and pinched my fat to measure that too.  All extremely humiliating while he was alway upbeat and cheerful.

The rest of the session was doing a series of exercises to "benchmark" me against what he called standard measures - how fast I rowed 500 metres, sit ups, push ups, and so on.  It was intense, but I did feel the feel-good endorphins flowing afterwards (and sore for quite a few days after it).

Goalsetting
And we talked about my goals. I was not very specific about that, just saying I wanted to be "fitter", and healthy before I tried to get pregnant.  Losing weight was what I was specifically after.

Andy wanted me to think of goals like "run a marathon", or "bench-press 60 kilos". I had no idea what he was talking about, and I had no ambition to run a marathon. I wanted to lose weight, so I said my goal was to fit into a size 10.

So we discussed my diet. More in the next post.

Week 2 wrap up

Weigh in day today, and while not brilliant on the scales, I am not one to complain about a downward trend.

Tuesday 1 February 2011 - 89.6kg (home scales)

Why am I blue?  It is all to do with the lovely hormones. At least I now understand why I was completely overwrought angry and emotional for a few days late last week, why I have been craving sugar (chocolate preferred), and why I have been feeling so bloated and uncomfortable despite eating far cleaner than I have for quite a few months. It is THAT time of month.

What makes this quite emotionally traumatic for me, though, is that six weeks ago I was pregnant. But, I lost my daughter. So this is my body telling me it is back in the baby making game if I want to be.  I am not sure if I am.

So, if I am feeling less than enthusiastic about my successes this week - and there have been quite a few successes - so be it.  I am giving myself permission to be as blue as I need to be.

But, for the record my achievements this week

• Getting below 90kilos and losing a total of 2.1 kilos by week 2
• Going to all my personal training sessions
• Running/walking/jogging 4kms in under 30 minutes
• Succumbing to a piece of cake and NOT turning it into a binge session. Twice
• Getting to a low of 89.4kg before the bloat took me back into the 90's.
• Taking Dusty for a long walk this morning when it would have been easier to leave it when my legs felt like jelly after my training session (100 thrusters, 50 burpees)
• choosing healthy options while dining out

My personal trainer experience #1

If you are keeping up with the Joneses, well, just EVERYONE has a personal trainer these days.

But in my mind, those people with personal trainers in parks or at the beach or (heaven forbid) at the gym, are already super fit and toned and tanned and beautiful and... NOT like me - obese, inflexible, and just a tad un-coordinated. 

Why follow the crowd and get a personal trainer?
By mid 2010, I was in dire straights -  95 kilos. BMI 34.  I wanted to start a family, and being this heavy would not help me or any baby I may have.

Since dieting and self motivation at a gym had done nothing for the last four years, I decided I needed the motivation and accountability of a personal trainer. 

Choosing a PT
During some searches online for "becoming a mother", I stumbled across a link to AJ Fitness in Carina, Brisbane.  They had a "mother's club" providing babysitting while you worked out.  I thought that sounded grand, they were only a few kilometres away, so I called up Andy Jeffrey. 

Their program
The AJ Fitness recommendations were straight-foward: regular high-intensity activity coupled with drastic changes to eating habits.  It seems my eating habits - eat whatever I want whenever I felt like it - were not appropriate.

Oh, and he wanted me to start "tomorrow", so I booked in the session, feeling a little bit dazed, and a whole lot nervous.

Three PT sessions done for the week

As usual, I am feeling sore and stiff in all sorts of places I didn't even know I had muscles.

After a heavy session of squats, two days later I can barely step down the stairs in my townhouse, let alone lever myself out of bed.

Hmmm.  Is this exercise lark worth it? Remember the goal - from obese to overweight.  I can do this.

And how do I ease my muscles?

Last year, I tried "Deep Heat" with disastrous results - I put too much on!!! And the cold-hot heat burned so badly on my poor squat-sore thighs that it made me cry. I had to get into the shower to try and rub any possible residue off.  And briefly, that stung even more.  I haven't touched the stuff since.

And I am slightly scared of getting a massage. I am used to getting a massage to ease tension built up from work - both physical where I sit (poorly) in front of a computer - and mental, where I am stressing about deadlines and project plans.

I can't imagine how massage will help repair my torn muscle tissue.

Because that is what exercise is - activity designed to tear the muscle tissue so that the body has to heal it and make the tissue stronger (or something along those lines). Ouch.

Let me know if massage helps ease your sore muscles after high intensity training...

Ouch - 4km benchmark run

This morning's personal training session was... a 4km benchmark run. What does this mean? It means that once every six months or so, the boys at AJ Fitness record what time it takes their clients to run 4km. It is a way of measuring improvements in fitness.

I jogged and walked those 4kms in 29 minutes 30 seconds.  I jogged the first kilometre in 5 minutes, which I am pretty chuffed about. But the rest... well, let's just say I was puffing like a steam train just walking the up-hill bits let alone jogging the down hill bits.

Week 1 success

Week one of the eight week challenge is over. And I am pretty pleased.

1. I have completed three personal training sessions, which included a personal best for 500m rowing (2.01 minutes). 
2. I walked the dog 12 times (missed two sessions).
3. I completed one session of hill sprints.
4. I have been sugar free for 7 days
5. I completed my food diary each day.
6. I have eaten strictly paleo, with the exception of the hot chocolate debacle. 

And the results of this spartan discipline (sans the hot cocoa)?


1.6 kilos down!!!

• Tuesday 17 January I was 91.7 kilos (home scales)
• Tuesday 25 January I am 90.1 kilos (home scales

Now I am off to training where I should be weighed in too.

The scales at home and at training don't match up, but not too badly from what I can tell.  The first weigh in showed the home scales at 91.7; the PT scales at 91.9.

Scheduling dog walking and hill sprints into my week

After my chat with Will-the-personal-trainer, I have to add in dog walking AND hill sprints to help me get over the line and achieve 12 kilos in 8 weeks.

Dog walking.

Now dog walking WAS fine.  In the first months I had Dusty, I was walking her up to 2 hours a day, striding around the neighbourhood.  In the last month, I have barely made it to 20 minutes each walking session, and make that an amble rather than a walk. 

So, I have to get my act together and walk at least 30 minutes each session - for Dusty's sake as well as mine.

• 2 x 20-30 minute walking sessions each day

Hill sprints.

The hill sprints? Groan.  I will have to enlist the help of my husband on this one.  He much prefers hill sprints to a jog.  Crazy man.

So, I got his grudging agreement yesterday that he would commit to one session of hill sprints with me a week - and maybe two sessions. I am not going to enjoy that, but together we should at least get them done.

I am having trouble scheduling in a time with my husband for this.  He is in flux with his own training schedule at the moment, so this may have to be ad hoc in the first few weeks.

I will update when a schedule is confirmed for the hill sprints.

What I need to do to achieve goal number one? Addendum

At my training session today I asked Will - a lovely trainer who works with Andy - for further advice on my first goal and how to get there.

He confirmed that my goal was achievable, to go from obese to overweight in eight weeks.  However, he knows I have to lose 12 kilos rather than 10, so he suggested a few other things as well.

To help me get there, Will said I should make sure I keep up walking the dog twice a day, and include a session (or two?) of hill sprints through the week.

So the tactics to achieve my goal are

1. A committed change to my diet
2. Keep a food diary
3. 3 x 45 minute high intensity personal training sessions a week 
4. A fourth high intensity group session by week 3(ish)
5. 1 or 2 hill sprint sessions a week
6. Daily dog walks (I walk Dusty twice a day)
   

More sensible people would say things like, "there are way too many new habits that I have to include in my regular routine", or "you've got to be kidding, no way can I include that much exercise into my already busy week", or perhaps what I said..."OMG, hill sprints?"

Will my lifestyle have to adjust? Yes.  But I already committed to that when I stopped ingesting sugar dairy and grains...

The bottom line is my goal - to maintain a healthy weight for life.  I don't want to be obese any longer. I want to reach my goal. And the first step is to watch what I put in my mouth. The second is to get more active.

So, I say, yes, I can do this.  With help.

Exercise scheduled in

Some sources say only exercise will help you lose weight. Others say only diet will help you lose weight. Most say, try both to lose weight.

Goals to do with losing kilos are not Andy-the-personal-trainer's preference. But, as he said, "While it is the easiest way to measure success, it is not the best.  But, you do have a bit of weight to lose, so let's use that for your first goal." Thanks Andy.  Appreciated.

The training.
I have scheduled three high intensity training sessions.

• Tuesday 6.30am 
• Thursday 6.30am 
• Saturday 7.00am  

I am a morning person, so that suits me really well.

I haven't sorted out a group session time yet. I'll do that next week.

Good, exercise scheduled in. Tick.

It begins today!

I begin my 8 week challenge this morning, with my first session with Andy-the-personal-trainer. Wish me luck.

So, what has changed to make me motivated to lose 12 kilos by 7 March?

What has really changed?  Nothing that I can see but a feeling of determination that I cannot explain.

Is it being the new year perhaps?  Or is it driven from my personal tragedy? I fell pregnant but my baby was stillborn - is this to help me concentrate on looking after myself to avoid falling into sever depression?

I know in my gut that I am the only one who can change the way I eat, look, and feel.  I have also just read the Sweet Poison quit plan, so maybe I am laying all my hopes that I will not overeat once I remove sugar from my life?  I am not sure.  Yet.