8 ways to nuture myself and nourish my friendships

Nuture. Nourishment.


I had coffee with a friend after work yesterday. It was wonderful.  She is a friend I love, but never see.  One of my realisations is that I have no idea how to nourish or nurture my friendships. We talked about that.

My mother has no friends - just one she writes a christmas letter to each year. My father has friends, but doesn't actively socialise.  All his friends are in the same country town that he lives in, so catching up is coincidental to getting the milk, or ploughing the field.

So I have no reference point for what normal adults do to be friends with another adult.

Now I am not blaming my parents.  Being a friend isn't rocket science - you listen, you share, you help when it is needed and ask for help when you need it.  I just don't have an automatic and natural impulse to pick up the phone and chat to people.  Nor do I have a natural impulse to see friends regularly.

I made friends by doing an activity with them - singing in a choir together, doing the same course during university, working with them.  When that activity ceases, my time with them ceases.  I know theoretically that I need to put time and effort to nurture and maintain these important people in my life - it is a lack of practice, the impulse of habit.  As I believe it is essential for my wellbeing to love others and be loved by them in return, so, I need to make time and arrange to catch up, to socialise, and to talk.

But, what is difficult is putting that into practice, when
a. This is a new habit to form - a new set of actions that need to have some of my time everyday
b. Most of my friendships have lain dormant and picking up the phone as if the years of silence were nothing, is rather daunting.
c. I have no idea how to form new friendships - they have their own friends, they wont want me

So, here are some of the ideas I have to help me nourish my friendships and nurture myself.

1. Yoga with a friend
I want to do a yoga session for health of mind and body. I have asked an old friend - a yogi - to find out about a weekly yoga session we can do together.

2. Going to the theatre
I have paid for a subscription to 6 plays in the state's theatre company - and so I will be seeing a group of friends for lunch and some theatre every other month.

3. Book club
I love reading, and a friend has been running a book club for a number of years. I have asked to join her book club.  Now all I have to do is start reading the book each month. So, I will meet up with her regularly, and possibly make new friends.

4. Life drawing sessions
For a little while I was going every week to a life drawing group. I love tinkering with paints, and being able to draw what you see is pretty important to painting.  Doing weekly drawing, though, would also help with keeping up creative practice.  I haven't picked up a paintbrush in months.

Now for a year at least I have been INTENDING to go to this group each week.  If I had someone to go with, then it would be easier to keep turning up each week.  The problem is, I don't really have friends who are interested in drawing or painting.  So, while this is a something I'd like to do, I have not yet found the best way to put it into my life.

5. Learning French
The cost of this one is likely to keep it on the back burner for a little while.  But, I do have a friend who would consider taking up french classes with me. 

6. Pampering with friends
Now, I am partial to an occasional manicure and pedicure.  This is a recent addition to my life, but I do like having neat nails - it makes me feel all professional for work.  So, the friend who may do french with me, does get a pedicure, so I am going to suggest to her that we go together and grab coffee aftewards.

7. Weekend farmers markets
My home town of Brisbane now has a multitude of farmers markets on offer for those interested in buying local.  I am going to incorporate a farmers market catch up with a friend every other week as they live close by to my market of choice - or drop by their place if they aren't going to the market.  As I already go to this market each week, it just means a little more time and planning.


8. Coffee catch-ups
And finally, the coffee catch up.  There are quite a few friends - and people who could become friends - that I could arrange to have occasional (or more regular) catch up's over a drink.  I have a bit of work to do here in organising a place and time in advance, but there is nothing hard about this, except perhaps finding time.