Dread and disappointment: two reactions to doing a fun run

To celebrate International Womens Day, there is a five kilometre fundraising Fun Run in Brisbane I could sign up for.  After my 4 kilometre attempt up and down hills last week, I actually wouldn't mind giving it a go.  Weird.

My emotional reaction to this is truly strange to me. 

Dread
Last year, Andy-the-personal-trainer thought I was ready to do a 10 kilometre fun run, so that I could time myself and then try and better it at the next fun run "meet".

I wasn't keen. In fact, I was so panicked by the idea that I felt nauseous.  I was making up excuses in my head for days, when I realised... I HAD A PRIOR COMMITMENT - I DIDN"T HAVE TO DO IT!!!

A friend had asked me to host her baby shower, which conveniently fell on the same day. I couldn't keep the grin off my face, actually having a REAL excuse not to do it.  I was so very smug and deeply happy.


Disappointment
This time is different.  I WANT to do the fun run!

But, it is on Sunday 6 March, and I am flying out to Asia for work on Friday 4 March.  Bugger. And I actually mean it.

Something must be wrong with me.  Usually I would be jumping up and down with excitement to be travelling for work!  Usually I would be skipping with joy that I have a real reason for not entering a Fun Run.

But I am truly disappointed that I wont be entering.

Two possible reasons for the drastic change in my attitude to entering a Fun Run

1. Achievable
10 kilometres is the standard distance of fun runs in Australia, but I know I would be walking most of that.  With a 5km circuit, there is the very slightest possibility of attempting to run/jog the whole thing.  Hope is there. I have a gut feeling that I could actually jog 5 kilometres by 6 March.  This is a challenge that I may be able to meet.  And that is exciting. That is MOTIVATING!

2. The Right Time 
The 5km fun run is also conveniently timed for the end of my 8 week challenge - which ends on 7 March.  Serendipitous timing.  The fact that I am feeling really proud of myself with the things I have done for the last few weeks.  I am putting the work in to meet my goals. But I would need to keep on putting the work in to be able to jog 5kms.  So, the timing is also MOTIVATING me to keep on with the great choices I am making each day (each hour, each minute).


What now?
As I write, I am even thinking whether I could do my own fun run.  Find out what the circuit would be and get my husband to be my time-keeper, and do the 5km run just before I leave!


I really am feeling comfortable with the healthy eating choices I am making, and with the exercise I am doing.

The true aim of this 8 week challenge is to kickstart life-long changes to my eating and exercise habits.

May be it is working?

Four reasons why am I using a personal trainer

Considering the amount of money I spent in 2010 on personal training sessions, and only seeing very poor results, you'd think I would never use a personal trainer again.  $2000 = 5 kilos lost.   My first personal trainer experience was a big FAIL.

But, that was my fault. Not theirs.

Nebulous goal + no changes to eating = FAIL

Here are four reasons why I am using a personal trainer again in 2011

Because I need help.
I have a specific goal, and I am not confident that I have enough will-power to get out of bed and do a meaningful high intensity workout for 45 minutes without someone there waiting for me to turn up.  My excuses are legendary.  And, I don't want to start out with the enthusiasm most projects start out with, only to see them fizzing very soon after.

The PT is there to make me do the workout even when I really, really, really, really couldn't give a damn that I am staving off diabetes, or wanting to fit into my valedictory dress, or when the devil on your shoulder tells you that "you've I've already done heaps, you deserve a break".

Because I have a goal
I have a clearly articulated SPECIFIC goal, that is measurable and time-limited. I want to achieve my goal - and so I will do whatever it takes to help me get there.  And since I know myself pretty well now, I could easily chuck it all in when my depression hits, or if work becomes too tough, or ... well you get the picture.

I have a goal, and I am used to dissappointing myself by not meeting my goals. A personal trainer will be a constant reminder of my goal.

Because I am committed to healhty eating
I finally acknowledge that I ate myself into this size, every bite counted.  I have also seen that just getting fitter does not help me get skinnier - and I am $2000 worse off for that timely piece of self-awareness.  So, no matter how much I want that hot cocoa after dinner, I am committed to changing my eating habits. I am maintaining a food diary. I have committed to paleo eating for four weeks (and likely eight).

Because I am making those changes to diet, I expect my personal training sessions to provide me with weight-loss results.

A plan for life without PT
I can't see the point of my goal - to maintain a healthy BMI for the rest of my life - IF I have to have three (3) personal training sessions each week for the rest of my life to achieve it.

So, I have already put limits on how long I will go to a personal trainer.  This allows me to have control over my goal and my INTENTIONS for exercise - fitness for life.  I am using the personal training to achieve my first 8 week challenge.  There are other ways for the remaining goals to be achieved - PT may or may not be part of the plan.

For example, in my first 5 week challenge (to 12 April) I intend to replace 2 weeks worth (6) of personal training sessions with 10 sessions of hot yoga - steamy sweaty 1 hour yoga sessions.  This will give me a break from PT, will give me some insight into how my body responds to different types of exercise, and will help me determine whether I actually turn up to a group class after promising myself I would. It will also give my hip pocket a break - the hot yoga is local and has a 10 session introductory offer!

Week 2 wrap up

Weigh in day today, and while not brilliant on the scales, I am not one to complain about a downward trend.

Tuesday 1 February 2011 - 89.6kg (home scales)

Why am I blue?  It is all to do with the lovely hormones. At least I now understand why I was completely overwrought angry and emotional for a few days late last week, why I have been craving sugar (chocolate preferred), and why I have been feeling so bloated and uncomfortable despite eating far cleaner than I have for quite a few months. It is THAT time of month.

What makes this quite emotionally traumatic for me, though, is that six weeks ago I was pregnant. But, I lost my daughter. So this is my body telling me it is back in the baby making game if I want to be.  I am not sure if I am.

So, if I am feeling less than enthusiastic about my successes this week - and there have been quite a few successes - so be it.  I am giving myself permission to be as blue as I need to be.

But, for the record my achievements this week

• Getting below 90kilos and losing a total of 2.1 kilos by week 2
• Going to all my personal training sessions
• Running/walking/jogging 4kms in under 30 minutes
• Succumbing to a piece of cake and NOT turning it into a binge session. Twice
• Getting to a low of 89.4kg before the bloat took me back into the 90's.
• Taking Dusty for a long walk this morning when it would have been easier to leave it when my legs felt like jelly after my training session (100 thrusters, 50 burpees)
• choosing healthy options while dining out

Ouch - 4km benchmark run

This morning's personal training session was... a 4km benchmark run. What does this mean? It means that once every six months or so, the boys at AJ Fitness record what time it takes their clients to run 4km. It is a way of measuring improvements in fitness.

I jogged and walked those 4kms in 29 minutes 30 seconds.  I jogged the first kilometre in 5 minutes, which I am pretty chuffed about. But the rest... well, let's just say I was puffing like a steam train just walking the up-hill bits let alone jogging the down hill bits.

What I need to do to achieve goal number one?

I need to change my lifestyle to be able to achieve my goal of getting to 80 kilos by 7 March.

I contacted Andy from AJ Fitness last week to help me. 

He has said my goal to lose 10 kilos in 8 weeks was achievable.  I was 90 kilos when I called him. However, when I started with him on Tuesday 17 January, I was 92 kilos.  So, I am not sure if 12 kilos lost in 8 weeks is achievable.  I'll keep you posted.

Andy demands

1. A change in my diet.
2. Keep a food diary
3. 3 x 45 minute training sessions a week 
4. A fourth group session by week 3(ish)

I'll be scheduling in sessions and working through the changes to eating issues in the coming posts.

Four years obese

This blog started in 2006 when I weighed in at 85 kilos - officially obese according to the body mass index (BMI) classifications.  It was my attempt to keep me accountable to lose weight.  It failed.  I wrote three posts.

Fast foward to January 2011.  I am 92 kilos, with a BMI of 33. Well and truly obese.

I will use this blog to track my journey from obesity to a healthy me.  There will be challenges and pit falls - but I am ready to help myself.

My ultimate goal?  To maintain a healthy BMI for the rest of my life.