Why is it, sometimes, that you can suddenly be hit by "blah"?
Life is good. But I feel... blah. Have you got any plans? No, I feel... blah. Did you have fun at the movies? Hhmmm I suppose. blah.
So, why do you feel like this? I dunno... blah.
Fiona, signing out.... blah.
Sunday 20 March 2011
Saturday 19 March 2011
Is exercise negotiable in your life? Part Two
For, me, exercise comes down to motivation - is there a convincing reason that gets me to exercise each day. When the reason is non-negotiable, then exercise will be part of my life.
I listed some non-negotiable exercise experiences from my life in my previous post. Another is when I have been part of a team sport - touch football, indoor soccer, outdoor soccer - and yes, I have played seasons of these social competitions while I was in my 20s. You train on the training nights, and you play the games when they are on. Being part of a team sport means the exercise is non-negotiable.
But what do I mean by negotiable exercise? I think it is exercise where YOU are the only person who experiences the consequences - negative or positive - of doing the exercise.
So, exercise then comes down to how convinced you are of the reason you are choosing to exercise.
Negotiable exercise #1
I have a myriad excuses to negotiate my way out of cycling to work these days.
Nowadays, I drive to work. I am obese, I don't feel that cycling is an option anymore because it is so hard to cycle that far. I have to pack all my clothes and toiletries for the shower, and leave a lot earlier and so on.
I race around Brisbane for meetings all over the city - so a car seems a far more sensible option than my bike (I don't even know if it works anymore!).
In my current circumstances, cycling is now a negotiable exercise option. And so far, all my excuses for NOT cycling to work are far more convincing that trying to cycle to work.
So, I am working to eliminate as many excuses as possible, because I LIKE commuter cycling, and it's great exercise.
Negotiable exercise #2
To lose weight, I started personal training last year for a few months, and one more month again this year. But I lost motivation to go because I wasn't losing weight. The reason to exercise was not convincing, I was doing the work, but not losing weight. The exercise was negotiable.
The were some nice consequences with PT - I could do 80 push ups in a session, I could do chin ups, sit ups were hard but doable. I had more muscle on my arms. But, those consequences were not enough to keep me going. There were not enough positive or negative consequences to keep me going to PT.
Negotiable exercise #3
Right now, I replaced PT and my ridiculous weight loss goals with training to do a 10km fun run in July. It is not a weight related goal - although I am hopint it will be a side-effect. And I would be pretty proud of myself to jog 10km.
So, is this reason to exercise convincing?
I don't know. I can stop it any time I want, becuase the only consequence would be to my own well-being, or feeling of achievement from jogging in a fun run.
It is hard - three times a week I am pushing myself to follow this training program I found online - and I am red, puffed, sweaty afterwards.
I almost quit the training last week because I had skipped three sessions... I was a "failure" to have stopped training, and would never be able to jog 10km anyway, so why bother.
It is likely that this training for a specific purpose is negotiable exercise, but at the moment, I am keeping my eye on the goal - to do the 10km Gold Coast Marathon Fun Run.
Conclusion
For me, the reason I exercise is key to whether I actually exercise. Weight loss doesn't seem to be a convincing enough reason to stay exercising long-term. It is too easy to quit if that is my only goal.
I listed some non-negotiable exercise experiences from my life in my previous post. Another is when I have been part of a team sport - touch football, indoor soccer, outdoor soccer - and yes, I have played seasons of these social competitions while I was in my 20s. You train on the training nights, and you play the games when they are on. Being part of a team sport means the exercise is non-negotiable.
But what do I mean by negotiable exercise? I think it is exercise where YOU are the only person who experiences the consequences - negative or positive - of doing the exercise.
So, exercise then comes down to how convinced you are of the reason you are choosing to exercise.
Negotiable exercise #1
I have a myriad excuses to negotiate my way out of cycling to work these days.
Nowadays, I drive to work. I am obese, I don't feel that cycling is an option anymore because it is so hard to cycle that far. I have to pack all my clothes and toiletries for the shower, and leave a lot earlier and so on.
I race around Brisbane for meetings all over the city - so a car seems a far more sensible option than my bike (I don't even know if it works anymore!).
In my current circumstances, cycling is now a negotiable exercise option. And so far, all my excuses for NOT cycling to work are far more convincing that trying to cycle to work.
So, I am working to eliminate as many excuses as possible, because I LIKE commuter cycling, and it's great exercise.
Negotiable exercise #2
To lose weight, I started personal training last year for a few months, and one more month again this year. But I lost motivation to go because I wasn't losing weight. The reason to exercise was not convincing, I was doing the work, but not losing weight. The exercise was negotiable.
The were some nice consequences with PT - I could do 80 push ups in a session, I could do chin ups, sit ups were hard but doable. I had more muscle on my arms. But, those consequences were not enough to keep me going. There were not enough positive or negative consequences to keep me going to PT.
Negotiable exercise #3
Right now, I replaced PT and my ridiculous weight loss goals with training to do a 10km fun run in July. It is not a weight related goal - although I am hopint it will be a side-effect. And I would be pretty proud of myself to jog 10km.
So, is this reason to exercise convincing?
I don't know. I can stop it any time I want, becuase the only consequence would be to my own well-being, or feeling of achievement from jogging in a fun run.
It is hard - three times a week I am pushing myself to follow this training program I found online - and I am red, puffed, sweaty afterwards.
I almost quit the training last week because I had skipped three sessions... I was a "failure" to have stopped training, and would never be able to jog 10km anyway, so why bother.
It is likely that this training for a specific purpose is negotiable exercise, but at the moment, I am keeping my eye on the goal - to do the 10km Gold Coast Marathon Fun Run.
Conclusion
For me, the reason I exercise is key to whether I actually exercise. Weight loss doesn't seem to be a convincing enough reason to stay exercising long-term. It is too easy to quit if that is my only goal.
Friday 18 March 2011
Is exercise negotiable in your life? Part One
I was answering a question posed by Beyond Willpower - How are you with exercise? She is doing some amazing work in her weightloss journey - having already lost 56 pounds, which is just brilliant.
And of course, in answering her question, I wrote far more than necessary for a comment. So, I thought it better to turn it into a blog post.
So, what is it with me and exercise? I'd like to think it was a love-hate relationship, but truthfully? It is mainly a hate relationship.
For, me, exercise comes down to motivation - is there a convincing reason that gets you to exercise each day. When the reason is non-negotiable, then exercise will be part of your life.
Part One: Non negotiable exercise in my life
Non-negotioable exercice #1
A decade ago, I was a commuter cyclist, riding an average of 15km each day to get to work and back home. From 1998 to 2005 I cycled every work day. I had three different jobs and five different homes over those years, so the daily cycling over those eight years was anywhere from 12km a day to 35km a day.
And this was non-negotiable. I had no car. It was either my extremely convenient bike or two buses each way. To me, cycling was the only option. So, exercise was part of my life.
To get to work, I needed to cycle.
Non-negotiable exercise #2
I have a dog. For me, it is non-negotiable that I walk twice a day with Dusty the dog - usually a longer session in the morning (minimum 20mins), a stroll in the afternoon (minimum 10mins).
She is extremely active, and I am at work during the day, so it is important to me that she gets in some good exercise to keep her healthy - mentally and physically. Dusty is my responsibility. So walking her is an everyday is part of my life.
Not everybody would see that dog ownership means daily (or twice daily) dog walking. But I do.
Conclusion
So, for me exercise must be non-negotiable. The reason must be so convincing to me that the exercise is just a part of the day.
And of course, in answering her question, I wrote far more than necessary for a comment. So, I thought it better to turn it into a blog post.
So, what is it with me and exercise? I'd like to think it was a love-hate relationship, but truthfully? It is mainly a hate relationship.
For, me, exercise comes down to motivation - is there a convincing reason that gets you to exercise each day. When the reason is non-negotiable, then exercise will be part of your life.
Part One: Non negotiable exercise in my life
Non-negotioable exercice #1
A decade ago, I was a commuter cyclist, riding an average of 15km each day to get to work and back home. From 1998 to 2005 I cycled every work day. I had three different jobs and five different homes over those years, so the daily cycling over those eight years was anywhere from 12km a day to 35km a day.
And this was non-negotiable. I had no car. It was either my extremely convenient bike or two buses each way. To me, cycling was the only option. So, exercise was part of my life.
To get to work, I needed to cycle.
Non-negotiable exercise #2
I have a dog. For me, it is non-negotiable that I walk twice a day with Dusty the dog - usually a longer session in the morning (minimum 20mins), a stroll in the afternoon (minimum 10mins).
She is extremely active, and I am at work during the day, so it is important to me that she gets in some good exercise to keep her healthy - mentally and physically. Dusty is my responsibility. So walking her is an everyday is part of my life.
Not everybody would see that dog ownership means daily (or twice daily) dog walking. But I do.
Conclusion
So, for me exercise must be non-negotiable. The reason must be so convincing to me that the exercise is just a part of the day.
Thursday 17 March 2011
The good space
I am in the good space. The one that can often preceed the descent into the pit.
Everything seems to be going well. I am challenging myself, I am making good choices, and well, the goals I am trying to achieve may actually seem achievable - losing weight and exercising each day is a reality...
I have had such a roller coaster relationship with weight, self-esteem, exercise, and my mental health, that I have come to distrust these optimistic times.
Usually, I will add more and more challenges to my life, more and more goals to achieve. Because I am feeling great, I am on top of the world, I am meeting my tiny challenges and goals quickly and easily. So of course I should try harder, lose weight quicker, do more exercise - "life isn't meant to be easy".
And what happens next? It DOES become too hard. I become bitterly disappointed that I haven't achieved my goals (I have missed training for a whole week, I am giving up), I haven't lost a gram, I am never going to meet my goals... and then this spirals into a dozen poor choices that lead to hiding under the bed covers for a day, or a week, or a month.
So, what I am going to do this time, while I am in this good space? Enjoy it! And not add more to my plate.
I am training for a 10km fun run in early July. All I have to do is follow the training program. So, that is what I am going to do.
And here is where it gets tricky. That is currently my only goal. And I SO want to include a food related goal. And, I am seduced by the idea of the Dukan Diet.
I am feeling good, and wanting to add another goal to the table. The little voice whispers, do Dukan, do Dukan do Dukan...
So much weight lost so quickly.... following Dukan....
Of course diets don't work - we have all been on them - it is when we get off them, then look at ourselves a few months later to see the weight back on (and more) - that is the diet cruelty. So, there is no doubt in my mind that in the short term Dukan will work...
So, am I going to kick start my weight loss by doing a month long dance with Dukan?
Hah!
I am not going to decide now. I am not going to pressure myself. And I am certainly NOT going to allow Dukan to do my head in and help me descend into the pit. Not this time, buster.
Everything seems to be going well. I am challenging myself, I am making good choices, and well, the goals I am trying to achieve may actually seem achievable - losing weight and exercising each day is a reality...
I have had such a roller coaster relationship with weight, self-esteem, exercise, and my mental health, that I have come to distrust these optimistic times.
Usually, I will add more and more challenges to my life, more and more goals to achieve. Because I am feeling great, I am on top of the world, I am meeting my tiny challenges and goals quickly and easily. So of course I should try harder, lose weight quicker, do more exercise - "life isn't meant to be easy".
And what happens next? It DOES become too hard. I become bitterly disappointed that I haven't achieved my goals (I have missed training for a whole week, I am giving up), I haven't lost a gram, I am never going to meet my goals... and then this spirals into a dozen poor choices that lead to hiding under the bed covers for a day, or a week, or a month.
So, what I am going to do this time, while I am in this good space? Enjoy it! And not add more to my plate.
I am training for a 10km fun run in early July. All I have to do is follow the training program. So, that is what I am going to do.
And here is where it gets tricky. That is currently my only goal. And I SO want to include a food related goal. And, I am seduced by the idea of the Dukan Diet.
I am feeling good, and wanting to add another goal to the table. The little voice whispers, do Dukan, do Dukan do Dukan...
So much weight lost so quickly.... following Dukan....
Of course diets don't work - we have all been on them - it is when we get off them, then look at ourselves a few months later to see the weight back on (and more) - that is the diet cruelty. So, there is no doubt in my mind that in the short term Dukan will work...
So, am I going to kick start my weight loss by doing a month long dance with Dukan?
Hah!
I am not going to decide now. I am not going to pressure myself. And I am certainly NOT going to allow Dukan to do my head in and help me descend into the pit. Not this time, buster.
Wednesday 16 March 2011
a little bit of blog empowerment
I feel empowered.
Last night I was on the way to a few poor decisions. But instead, I decided to write down what was going on inside my mind. And through editing, and rethinking, and re-writing, I came up with my previous blog post, along with a lucid understanding of what I was feeling and why I was wanting to do things like take up a diet, or quit the fun run training.
This is all good.
What am I doing about it? Absolutely nothing. With this second post, I assumed that I was "going to make a decision" - ditch the diet, get back to jogging. But, I am not. There is no rush. Work is stressful. And ALL I need to do is to do the best I possibly can. I don't have to form a goal, make a decision, strive for perfection, aim for the impossible.
All I need to do is take each moment as it comes. All I need to do is decide...
Do I really need a hot chocolate after dinner? No? Then don't have the hot chocolate.
Does the dog need a walk? Yes? Then I'll take the dog for a walk.
Do I need to go for a jog? No. But it may be good to do so, to do the next training session 6 minutes jogging, 1 minute walking (four times). It is only 28 minutes. I can just go around in circles - I don't have to determine the perfect route that avoids hills.
So, will I go for a jog in the morning? Most likely. I have set my alarm.
Last night I was on the way to a few poor decisions. But instead, I decided to write down what was going on inside my mind. And through editing, and rethinking, and re-writing, I came up with my previous blog post, along with a lucid understanding of what I was feeling and why I was wanting to do things like take up a diet, or quit the fun run training.
This is all good.
What am I doing about it? Absolutely nothing. With this second post, I assumed that I was "going to make a decision" - ditch the diet, get back to jogging. But, I am not. There is no rush. Work is stressful. And ALL I need to do is to do the best I possibly can. I don't have to form a goal, make a decision, strive for perfection, aim for the impossible.
All I need to do is take each moment as it comes. All I need to do is decide...
Do I really need a hot chocolate after dinner? No? Then don't have the hot chocolate.
Does the dog need a walk? Yes? Then I'll take the dog for a walk.
Do I need to go for a jog? No. But it may be good to do so, to do the next training session 6 minutes jogging, 1 minute walking (four times). It is only 28 minutes. I can just go around in circles - I don't have to determine the perfect route that avoids hills.
So, will I go for a jog in the morning? Most likely. I have set my alarm.
Tuesday 15 March 2011
To diet or not to diet - that is the question
I am in a spot of bother. I am in a little dither. What should I do?
Go on the dukan diet?
I saw a friend while in Singapore who had lost 25 pounds since the last time I saw her - she blames the Dukan Diet. I've looked it up and I am excited! I read the whole blog of a guy who lost 50 pounds following it
Of course, I am also worried about going on a diet, too. I mean, how many diets do I need to do before I realise that there is no quick fix to becoming healthy? Although, the results of the guy from the blog are pretty motivating!
Get back into the training for the 10km fun run?
I have missed three training sessions - the equivalent of a week's worth of training. And I am feeling extremely unmotivated to continue. I think I may be scared of the 3km time trial, and avoiding it by trying to quit.
Although on the plus side, I did run 1.5km with the dog this morning without turning into a beetroot, which I was chuffed about! It felt pretty comfortable to jog that distance. Three weeks ago, I couldn't jog that far at all. Which means the training program is working to improve my jogging fitness (not my thin fitness).
AAARRRGGGHHHH!!
I am in such a horrid mental space right now. Not depressed. Just stressed by work, and scared of a few of the large number of tasks I have to get through in the next three weeks. Real challenges to my professional life that lie completely outside my comfort zones, but are essential for me to do to gain experience and move to the next level.
When it comes to work, I hate failure. I find it unacceptable. And making mistakes is something I don't tolerate in myself either. And I feel extremely close to making lots of mistakes, and failing quite spectacularly, over the coming weeks.
It is extraordinarily uncomfortable. I feel extraordinarily uncomfortable. It is hitting every one of my neuroses that require a "let's fall in a heap and binge on ice-cream and watch tv repeats and avoid phone calls" sort of response.
No wonder I want to take up a quick fix diet option along with quitting the hard jogging stuff.
Go on the dukan diet?
I saw a friend while in Singapore who had lost 25 pounds since the last time I saw her - she blames the Dukan Diet. I've looked it up and I am excited! I read the whole blog of a guy who lost 50 pounds following it
Of course, I am also worried about going on a diet, too. I mean, how many diets do I need to do before I realise that there is no quick fix to becoming healthy? Although, the results of the guy from the blog are pretty motivating!
Get back into the training for the 10km fun run?
I have missed three training sessions - the equivalent of a week's worth of training. And I am feeling extremely unmotivated to continue. I think I may be scared of the 3km time trial, and avoiding it by trying to quit.
Although on the plus side, I did run 1.5km with the dog this morning without turning into a beetroot, which I was chuffed about! It felt pretty comfortable to jog that distance. Three weeks ago, I couldn't jog that far at all. Which means the training program is working to improve my jogging fitness (not my thin fitness).
AAARRRGGGHHHH!!
I am in such a horrid mental space right now. Not depressed. Just stressed by work, and scared of a few of the large number of tasks I have to get through in the next three weeks. Real challenges to my professional life that lie completely outside my comfort zones, but are essential for me to do to gain experience and move to the next level.
When it comes to work, I hate failure. I find it unacceptable. And making mistakes is something I don't tolerate in myself either. And I feel extremely close to making lots of mistakes, and failing quite spectacularly, over the coming weeks.
It is extraordinarily uncomfortable. I feel extraordinarily uncomfortable. It is hitting every one of my neuroses that require a "let's fall in a heap and binge on ice-cream and watch tv repeats and avoid phone calls" sort of response.
No wonder I want to take up a quick fix diet option along with quitting the hard jogging stuff.
Wednesday 9 March 2011
2 proud moments
Well, I have had two proud moments while overseas.
One. I have pretty much kept to my training schedule for the 10km fun run - I've been to these hotel gyms and done my 4 x 6 minutes run 2 minutes walk.
Two. I have not gorged myself senseless at buffet breakfast lines, nor eaten to the extent that my daily travel allowance dictates. My choices have not all been healthy, but I have been VERY reasonable on food consumption - never feeling full.
Two gold stars for sensible-ness while travelling.
One. I have pretty much kept to my training schedule for the 10km fun run - I've been to these hotel gyms and done my 4 x 6 minutes run 2 minutes walk.
Two. I have not gorged myself senseless at buffet breakfast lines, nor eaten to the extent that my daily travel allowance dictates. My choices have not all been healthy, but I have been VERY reasonable on food consumption - never feeling full.
Two gold stars for sensible-ness while travelling.
Saturday 5 March 2011
2 excuses for not blogging this week
What do you think of the following excuses? I have a huge smile on my face, and am about to go for a wander in this big city...
# One excuse for not blogging this week
I am currently writing this post from Hong Kong! I am here for work, have a wonderfully ritzy room, a lovely work colleague to travel with, and just feeling a teensy bit giddy with excitement.
# Two excuse for not blogging this week
I will be in Singapore by Tuesday night, heading back home to Australia on Saturday. So it is a whirlwind trip, and it is packed full with things to do for work (and for play).
See you when I see you!
# One excuse for not blogging this week
I am currently writing this post from Hong Kong! I am here for work, have a wonderfully ritzy room, a lovely work colleague to travel with, and just feeling a teensy bit giddy with excitement.
# Two excuse for not blogging this week
I will be in Singapore by Tuesday night, heading back home to Australia on Saturday. So it is a whirlwind trip, and it is packed full with things to do for work (and for play).
See you when I see you!
Friday 4 March 2011
8 ways to nuture myself and nourish my friendships
Nuture. Nourishment.
I had coffee with a friend after work yesterday. It was wonderful. She is a friend I love, but never see. One of my realisations is that I have no idea how to nourish or nurture my friendships. We talked about that.
My mother has no friends - just one she writes a christmas letter to each year. My father has friends, but doesn't actively socialise. All his friends are in the same country town that he lives in, so catching up is coincidental to getting the milk, or ploughing the field.
So I have no reference point for what normal adults do to be friends with another adult.
Now I am not blaming my parents. Being a friend isn't rocket science - you listen, you share, you help when it is needed and ask for help when you need it. I just don't have an automatic and natural impulse to pick up the phone and chat to people. Nor do I have a natural impulse to see friends regularly.
I made friends by doing an activity with them - singing in a choir together, doing the same course during university, working with them. When that activity ceases, my time with them ceases. I know theoretically that I need to put time and effort to nurture and maintain these important people in my life - it is a lack of practice, the impulse of habit. As I believe it is essential for my wellbeing to love others and be loved by them in return, so, I need to make time and arrange to catch up, to socialise, and to talk.
But, what is difficult is putting that into practice, when
a. This is a new habit to form - a new set of actions that need to have some of my time everyday
b. Most of my friendships have lain dormant and picking up the phone as if the years of silence were nothing, is rather daunting.
c. I have no idea how to form new friendships - they have their own friends, they wont want me
So, here are some of the ideas I have to help me nourish my friendships and nurture myself.
1. Yoga with a friend
I want to do a yoga session for health of mind and body. I have asked an old friend - a yogi - to find out about a weekly yoga session we can do together.
2. Going to the theatre
I have paid for a subscription to 6 plays in the state's theatre company - and so I will be seeing a group of friends for lunch and some theatre every other month.
3. Book club
I love reading, and a friend has been running a book club for a number of years. I have asked to join her book club. Now all I have to do is start reading the book each month. So, I will meet up with her regularly, and possibly make new friends.
4. Life drawing sessions
For a little while I was going every week to a life drawing group. I love tinkering with paints, and being able to draw what you see is pretty important to painting. Doing weekly drawing, though, would also help with keeping up creative practice. I haven't picked up a paintbrush in months.
Now for a year at least I have been INTENDING to go to this group each week. If I had someone to go with, then it would be easier to keep turning up each week. The problem is, I don't really have friends who are interested in drawing or painting. So, while this is a something I'd like to do, I have not yet found the best way to put it into my life.
5. Learning French
The cost of this one is likely to keep it on the back burner for a little while. But, I do have a friend who would consider taking up french classes with me.
6. Pampering with friends
Now, I am partial to an occasional manicure and pedicure. This is a recent addition to my life, but I do like having neat nails - it makes me feel all professional for work. So, the friend who may do french with me, does get a pedicure, so I am going to suggest to her that we go together and grab coffee aftewards.
7. Weekend farmers markets
My home town of Brisbane now has a multitude of farmers markets on offer for those interested in buying local. I am going to incorporate a farmers market catch up with a friend every other week as they live close by to my market of choice - or drop by their place if they aren't going to the market. As I already go to this market each week, it just means a little more time and planning.
8. Coffee catch-ups
And finally, the coffee catch up. There are quite a few friends - and people who could become friends - that I could arrange to have occasional (or more regular) catch up's over a drink. I have a bit of work to do here in organising a place and time in advance, but there is nothing hard about this, except perhaps finding time.
I had coffee with a friend after work yesterday. It was wonderful. She is a friend I love, but never see. One of my realisations is that I have no idea how to nourish or nurture my friendships. We talked about that.
My mother has no friends - just one she writes a christmas letter to each year. My father has friends, but doesn't actively socialise. All his friends are in the same country town that he lives in, so catching up is coincidental to getting the milk, or ploughing the field.
So I have no reference point for what normal adults do to be friends with another adult.
Now I am not blaming my parents. Being a friend isn't rocket science - you listen, you share, you help when it is needed and ask for help when you need it. I just don't have an automatic and natural impulse to pick up the phone and chat to people. Nor do I have a natural impulse to see friends regularly.
I made friends by doing an activity with them - singing in a choir together, doing the same course during university, working with them. When that activity ceases, my time with them ceases. I know theoretically that I need to put time and effort to nurture and maintain these important people in my life - it is a lack of practice, the impulse of habit. As I believe it is essential for my wellbeing to love others and be loved by them in return, so, I need to make time and arrange to catch up, to socialise, and to talk.
But, what is difficult is putting that into practice, when
a. This is a new habit to form - a new set of actions that need to have some of my time everyday
b. Most of my friendships have lain dormant and picking up the phone as if the years of silence were nothing, is rather daunting.
c. I have no idea how to form new friendships - they have their own friends, they wont want me
So, here are some of the ideas I have to help me nourish my friendships and nurture myself.
1. Yoga with a friend
I want to do a yoga session for health of mind and body. I have asked an old friend - a yogi - to find out about a weekly yoga session we can do together.
2. Going to the theatre
I have paid for a subscription to 6 plays in the state's theatre company - and so I will be seeing a group of friends for lunch and some theatre every other month.
3. Book club
I love reading, and a friend has been running a book club for a number of years. I have asked to join her book club. Now all I have to do is start reading the book each month. So, I will meet up with her regularly, and possibly make new friends.
4. Life drawing sessions
For a little while I was going every week to a life drawing group. I love tinkering with paints, and being able to draw what you see is pretty important to painting. Doing weekly drawing, though, would also help with keeping up creative practice. I haven't picked up a paintbrush in months.
Now for a year at least I have been INTENDING to go to this group each week. If I had someone to go with, then it would be easier to keep turning up each week. The problem is, I don't really have friends who are interested in drawing or painting. So, while this is a something I'd like to do, I have not yet found the best way to put it into my life.
5. Learning French
The cost of this one is likely to keep it on the back burner for a little while. But, I do have a friend who would consider taking up french classes with me.
6. Pampering with friends
Now, I am partial to an occasional manicure and pedicure. This is a recent addition to my life, but I do like having neat nails - it makes me feel all professional for work. So, the friend who may do french with me, does get a pedicure, so I am going to suggest to her that we go together and grab coffee aftewards.
7. Weekend farmers markets
My home town of Brisbane now has a multitude of farmers markets on offer for those interested in buying local. I am going to incorporate a farmers market catch up with a friend every other week as they live close by to my market of choice - or drop by their place if they aren't going to the market. As I already go to this market each week, it just means a little more time and planning.
8. Coffee catch-ups
And finally, the coffee catch up. There are quite a few friends - and people who could become friends - that I could arrange to have occasional (or more regular) catch up's over a drink. I have a bit of work to do here in organising a place and time in advance, but there is nothing hard about this, except perhaps finding time.
Thursday 3 March 2011
13 reasons to look forward, not back
The last few posts have all been about failure, losing control, making a mountain out of a molehill.
So, I thought it time to give out a positive message.
I have jogged 13 kilometres since Tuesday 22 February.
13 brilliant reasons to be proud. 13 reasons to look to the future, not the past. Regret is a waste of energy.
With my meltdown a few weeks ago, some things have changed, some things have stayed the same.
I still walk my dog twice a day
Dusty is such an important part of my life, but I am away at work during the day. So the walks are just as important for her as for me.
Now these walking sessions can be anything from a 5 minute amble to a 1 hour stride. But more often it is an amble/walk for 20 minutes. And that doesn't get my heart rate up enough for weight loss.
I quit training with my personal trainer
I was feeling resentful and angry and only just keeping the excuses at bay for missing sessions when.... I did miss a session and made up an excuse and... well that is a slippery slope of self-recriminations, "you are a failure" self-talk and such like. I just didn't want to turn my high-intensity exercise sessions into this type of internal battleground of guilt, denial and a whole lot of other emotional stuff.
It was exercise. I just need to include higher intensity exercise in my daily life. And I am not prepared to exhaust my emotions nor hang my "success" on going to PT.
So, with my change in focus from x kilos lost per week, I had to set another goal for my exercise, or I really wouldn't add exercise into my life.
Setting a goal without the scales numbers looming over me
While at work, I saw someones printing at the copier. Training schedules for the Gold Coast Marathon. Well, that was not something I was going to do. But, what I did like was the training diary itself - straightforward.
So, I jumped online, and behold, they had LOTS of training diaries for lots of different distances. I looked at the training diary for the 10km fun run, for a beginner (someone who had never run 10 before). It looks like something I could do. And that is MOTIVATING.
Guess who is doing a 20 week training program to run my first 10km fun run? I am pretty excited.
A friend asked last night if I thought I would be able to stick with this. I honestly don't know. But what I do want to concentrate on is the PRACTICE of including sessions of high-intensity exercise into my week - where I am red faced and puffed and sweaty.
No PT? No worries. Following a 10km fun run 20 week training program is working well.
So, I thought it time to give out a positive message.
I have jogged 13 kilometres since Tuesday 22 February.
13 brilliant reasons to be proud. 13 reasons to look to the future, not the past. Regret is a waste of energy.
With my meltdown a few weeks ago, some things have changed, some things have stayed the same.
I still walk my dog twice a day
Dusty is such an important part of my life, but I am away at work during the day. So the walks are just as important for her as for me.
Now these walking sessions can be anything from a 5 minute amble to a 1 hour stride. But more often it is an amble/walk for 20 minutes. And that doesn't get my heart rate up enough for weight loss.
I quit training with my personal trainer
I was feeling resentful and angry and only just keeping the excuses at bay for missing sessions when.... I did miss a session and made up an excuse and... well that is a slippery slope of self-recriminations, "you are a failure" self-talk and such like. I just didn't want to turn my high-intensity exercise sessions into this type of internal battleground of guilt, denial and a whole lot of other emotional stuff.
It was exercise. I just need to include higher intensity exercise in my daily life. And I am not prepared to exhaust my emotions nor hang my "success" on going to PT.
So, with my change in focus from x kilos lost per week, I had to set another goal for my exercise, or I really wouldn't add exercise into my life.
Setting a goal without the scales numbers looming over me
While at work, I saw someones printing at the copier. Training schedules for the Gold Coast Marathon. Well, that was not something I was going to do. But, what I did like was the training diary itself - straightforward.
So, I jumped online, and behold, they had LOTS of training diaries for lots of different distances. I looked at the training diary for the 10km fun run, for a beginner (someone who had never run 10 before). It looks like something I could do. And that is MOTIVATING.
Guess who is doing a 20 week training program to run my first 10km fun run? I am pretty excited.
A friend asked last night if I thought I would be able to stick with this. I honestly don't know. But what I do want to concentrate on is the PRACTICE of including sessions of high-intensity exercise into my week - where I am red faced and puffed and sweaty.
No PT? No worries. Following a 10km fun run 20 week training program is working well.
Wednesday 2 March 2011
When chocolate doesn't solve everything
I am obese, I have self-destructive food routines, and I have decided that this needs to change. I need to nurture and nourish my body and soul.
And the logical consequence of this epiphany? That I will resist change. Change is deeply uncomfortable. And when I am uncomfortable... When I feel bad or under pressure, or even just a little fatigued, eating chocolate is my solution to feeling better.
This cause and effect - I feel bad so I need a chocolate bar - is so deeply rooted in my psyche, my habits, my ruts and grooves, my way of being, that removing chocolate from my life is not going to help me get healthy.
Why? Because the problem isn't chocolate.
The problem is my fear of changing myself, even if it means changing for the better. I avoid feeling bad, feeling uncomfortable. I hate confrontation. So, I avoid change.
So, if I remove chocolate? All I'll do is buy a Hungry Jack's burger, or a bucket of custard. Whether it is straight away or in three weeks time when I "crack", I'll still equate feeling bad with the need to shove something in my mouth to smother that feeling.
So this whole "thing" is not about short-term chocolate denial, it is about sitting with the discomfort of the situation. Sitting with the sad feeling, accepting the consequence of a poor choice.
When chocolate doesn't solve the problem: scenario one
I am fatigued. So be fatigued. Don't try to pep up with a sugar hit. Work out what it is that makes me tired - not enough sleep the night before? Too much sugar earlier? Anaemic? Remedy that problem - go to bed earlier, cut up carrot sticks for slow release energy at afternoon tea rather than eating a cookie, buy some iron tables: don't try to triage it with the chocolate bar solution.
When chocolate doesn't solve the problem: scenario two
I slept in and haven't given myself time to prepare a good lunch. I am going to be late for work. Well, sit with the consequence of being late - accept it - and take the time to prepare lunch. Yes, you need to call your supervisor that you will be late, or apologse for being late to the person you are meeting. Sleeping in was a poor choice. The consequences are uncomfortable. The solution is to make lunch and apologise, NOT be on time and buy lunch.
THIS is the hard stuff.
And the logical consequence of this epiphany? That I will resist change. Change is deeply uncomfortable. And when I am uncomfortable... When I feel bad or under pressure, or even just a little fatigued, eating chocolate is my solution to feeling better.
This cause and effect - I feel bad so I need a chocolate bar - is so deeply rooted in my psyche, my habits, my ruts and grooves, my way of being, that removing chocolate from my life is not going to help me get healthy.
Why? Because the problem isn't chocolate.
The problem is my fear of changing myself, even if it means changing for the better. I avoid feeling bad, feeling uncomfortable. I hate confrontation. So, I avoid change.
So, if I remove chocolate? All I'll do is buy a Hungry Jack's burger, or a bucket of custard. Whether it is straight away or in three weeks time when I "crack", I'll still equate feeling bad with the need to shove something in my mouth to smother that feeling.
So this whole "thing" is not about short-term chocolate denial, it is about sitting with the discomfort of the situation. Sitting with the sad feeling, accepting the consequence of a poor choice.
When chocolate doesn't solve the problem: scenario one
I am fatigued. So be fatigued. Don't try to pep up with a sugar hit. Work out what it is that makes me tired - not enough sleep the night before? Too much sugar earlier? Anaemic? Remedy that problem - go to bed earlier, cut up carrot sticks for slow release energy at afternoon tea rather than eating a cookie, buy some iron tables: don't try to triage it with the chocolate bar solution.
When chocolate doesn't solve the problem: scenario two
I slept in and haven't given myself time to prepare a good lunch. I am going to be late for work. Well, sit with the consequence of being late - accept it - and take the time to prepare lunch. Yes, you need to call your supervisor that you will be late, or apologse for being late to the person you are meeting. Sleeping in was a poor choice. The consequences are uncomfortable. The solution is to make lunch and apologise, NOT be on time and buy lunch.
THIS is the hard stuff.
Tuesday 1 March 2011
Three reasons for two weeks of silence
What can take a girl away from her blog? Hmmm, quite a lot actually.
Reason one
A dummy spit. A foot stamp. A full-blown tanty (aka tantrum). Yep, I threw in the towel two weeks ago, and had along session of growling at myself and my ridiculously high expectations of reaching the "healthy me" in a few weeks.
Going up on the scales put a crack in my "steely determination". But truly, that is a lie. What I have really done is, once again, set up a whole plan that is destined to fail. I set my goals so high that they easily become unreachable. Lose 12 kilos in 8 weeks? How many of us ever do that, and if we do, how often have we kept it off?
Depression. My psychological modus operandi is to continually prove to myself that I am a failure. This dummy spit that I had two weeks ago is more about my paradigms (yes, I have a psychologist and a psychiatrist), and how I approach the world - in a way that is deeply rooted in destructive behaviours. As Darla said in My Winning Year (I paraphrase) - depression and anxiety often go hand in hand with obesity.
Reason two
Grief. Yes, for quite a few days I was just concentrating on making it through the day in the most functional way I could - getting my paid work done, and being cordial to my loved ones.
Working through grief via blogging was impossible for me. I started my hand-written journal at that time.
Usually - when I am not coping with life - I use my husband as a whipping post - getting angry and yelling at him when he asks any type of question - "how was work today?", "Did you pick up the mail?"...
It is one of the really horrid things about me - that the people I love most in the world are the ones who get treated poorly when the going gets tough. I have been intentionally trying to change this part of me, but it has taken all of my emotional energy to make it through these past few weeks.
Reason three
Trying to re-work my thinking around my "healthy me" goals and redefine my direction and intentions. I don't think I have completely sorted that out. At the time of writing this, the goals on the blog still read
-8 week challenge: lose 12 kilos by 7 March 2011
-5 week challenge: lose 5 kilos by 12 April 2011
- et al.
These goals will change. As Rick from Rick Gets Fit commented on one of my earlier posts - why don't I try to focus less on the scale?
Wise words.
Reason one
A dummy spit. A foot stamp. A full-blown tanty (aka tantrum). Yep, I threw in the towel two weeks ago, and had along session of growling at myself and my ridiculously high expectations of reaching the "healthy me" in a few weeks.
Going up on the scales put a crack in my "steely determination". But truly, that is a lie. What I have really done is, once again, set up a whole plan that is destined to fail. I set my goals so high that they easily become unreachable. Lose 12 kilos in 8 weeks? How many of us ever do that, and if we do, how often have we kept it off?
Depression. My psychological modus operandi is to continually prove to myself that I am a failure. This dummy spit that I had two weeks ago is more about my paradigms (yes, I have a psychologist and a psychiatrist), and how I approach the world - in a way that is deeply rooted in destructive behaviours. As Darla said in My Winning Year (I paraphrase) - depression and anxiety often go hand in hand with obesity.
Reason two
Grief. Yes, for quite a few days I was just concentrating on making it through the day in the most functional way I could - getting my paid work done, and being cordial to my loved ones.
Working through grief via blogging was impossible for me. I started my hand-written journal at that time.
Usually - when I am not coping with life - I use my husband as a whipping post - getting angry and yelling at him when he asks any type of question - "how was work today?", "Did you pick up the mail?"...
It is one of the really horrid things about me - that the people I love most in the world are the ones who get treated poorly when the going gets tough. I have been intentionally trying to change this part of me, but it has taken all of my emotional energy to make it through these past few weeks.
Reason three
Trying to re-work my thinking around my "healthy me" goals and redefine my direction and intentions. I don't think I have completely sorted that out. At the time of writing this, the goals on the blog still read
-8 week challenge: lose 12 kilos by 7 March 2011
-5 week challenge: lose 5 kilos by 12 April 2011
- et al.
These goals will change. As Rick from Rick Gets Fit commented on one of my earlier posts - why don't I try to focus less on the scale?
Wise words.
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