The good space

I am in the good space.  The one that can often preceed the descent into the pit. 

Everything seems to be going well.  I am challenging myself, I am making good choices, and well, the goals I am trying to achieve may actually seem achievable - losing weight and exercising each day is a reality...

I have had such a roller coaster relationship with weight, self-esteem, exercise, and my mental health, that I have come to distrust these optimistic times. 

Usually, I will add more and more challenges to my life, more and more goals to achieve.  Because I am feeling great, I am on top of the world, I am meeting my tiny challenges and goals quickly and easily.  So of course I should try harder, lose weight quicker, do more exercise - "life isn't meant to be easy".

And what happens next? It DOES become too hard. I become bitterly disappointed that I haven't achieved my goals (I have missed training for a whole week, I am giving up), I haven't lost a gram, I am never going to meet my goals... and then this spirals into a dozen poor choices that lead to hiding under the bed covers for a day, or a week, or a month.

So, what I am going to do this time, while I am in this good space?  Enjoy it!  And not add more to my plate.

I am training for a 10km fun run in early July.  All I have to do is follow the training program. So, that is what I am going to do.

And here is where it gets tricky. That is currently my only goal.  And I SO want to include a food related goal.  And, I am seduced by the idea of the Dukan Diet. 

I am feeling good, and wanting to add another goal to the table.  The little voice whispers, do Dukan, do Dukan do Dukan...

So much weight lost so quickly.... following Dukan....

Of course diets don't work - we have all been on them - it is when we get off them, then look at ourselves a few months later to see the weight back on (and more) - that is the diet cruelty.  So, there is no doubt in my mind that in the short term Dukan will work...

So, am I going to kick start my weight loss by doing a month long dance with Dukan? 

Hah!

I am not going to decide now. I am not going to pressure myself. And I am certainly NOT going to allow Dukan to do my head in and help me descend into the pit. Not this time, buster.

a little bit of blog empowerment

I feel empowered.

Last night I was on the way to a few poor decisions.  But instead, I decided to write down what was going on inside my mind. And through editing, and rethinking, and re-writing, I came up with my previous blog post, along with a lucid understanding of what I was feeling and why I was wanting to do things like take up a diet, or quit the fun run training.

This is all good.

What am I doing about it?  Absolutely nothing.  With this second post, I assumed that I was "going to make a decision" - ditch the diet, get back to jogging.  But, I am not.  There is no rush. Work is stressful. And ALL I need to do is to do the best I possibly can. I don't have to form a goal, make a decision, strive for perfection, aim for the impossible. 

All I need to do is take each moment as it comes.  All I need to do is decide...

Do I really need a hot chocolate after dinner?  No? Then don't have the hot chocolate. 

Does the dog need a walk? Yes? Then I'll take the dog for a walk. 

Do I need to go for a jog?  No. But it may be good to do so, to do the next training session 6 minutes jogging, 1 minute walking (four times). It is only 28 minutes. I can just go around in circles - I don't have to determine the perfect route that avoids hills.

So, will I go for a jog in the morning? Most likely. I have set my alarm.

To diet or not to diet - that is the question

I am in a spot of bother.  I am in a little dither.  What should I do? 

Go on the dukan diet? 
I saw a friend while in Singapore who had lost 25 pounds since the last time I saw her - she blames the Dukan Diet.  I've looked it up and I am excited! I read the whole blog of a guy who lost 50 pounds following it 

Of course, I am also worried about going on a diet, too.  I mean, how many diets do I need to do before I realise that there is no quick fix to becoming healthy? Although, the results of the guy from the blog are pretty motivating!

Get back into the training for the 10km fun run? 
I have missed three training sessions - the equivalent of a week's worth of training. And I am feeling extremely unmotivated to continue. I think I may be scared of the 3km time trial, and avoiding it by trying to quit. 

Although on the plus side, I did run 1.5km with the dog this morning without turning into a beetroot, which I was chuffed about! It felt pretty comfortable to jog that distance. Three weeks ago, I couldn't jog that far at all. Which means the training program is working to improve my jogging fitness (not my thin fitness).


AAARRRGGGHHHH!!
I am in such a horrid mental space right now.  Not depressed.  Just stressed by work, and scared of a few of the large number of tasks I have to get through in the next three weeks.  Real challenges to my professional life that lie completely outside my comfort zones, but are essential for me to do to gain experience and move to the next level. 

When it comes to work, I hate failure. I find it unacceptable.  And making mistakes is something I don't tolerate in myself either.  And I feel extremely close to making lots of mistakes, and failing quite spectacularly, over the coming weeks. 

It is extraordinarily uncomfortable.  I feel extraordinarily uncomfortable.  It is hitting every one of my neuroses that require a "let's fall in a heap and binge on ice-cream and watch tv repeats and avoid phone calls" sort of response.

No wonder I want to take up a quick fix diet option along with quitting the hard jogging stuff.