Dread and disappointment: two reactions to doing a fun run

To celebrate International Womens Day, there is a five kilometre fundraising Fun Run in Brisbane I could sign up for.  After my 4 kilometre attempt up and down hills last week, I actually wouldn't mind giving it a go.  Weird.

My emotional reaction to this is truly strange to me. 

Dread
Last year, Andy-the-personal-trainer thought I was ready to do a 10 kilometre fun run, so that I could time myself and then try and better it at the next fun run "meet".

I wasn't keen. In fact, I was so panicked by the idea that I felt nauseous.  I was making up excuses in my head for days, when I realised... I HAD A PRIOR COMMITMENT - I DIDN"T HAVE TO DO IT!!!

A friend had asked me to host her baby shower, which conveniently fell on the same day. I couldn't keep the grin off my face, actually having a REAL excuse not to do it.  I was so very smug and deeply happy.


Disappointment
This time is different.  I WANT to do the fun run!

But, it is on Sunday 6 March, and I am flying out to Asia for work on Friday 4 March.  Bugger. And I actually mean it.

Something must be wrong with me.  Usually I would be jumping up and down with excitement to be travelling for work!  Usually I would be skipping with joy that I have a real reason for not entering a Fun Run.

But I am truly disappointed that I wont be entering.

Two possible reasons for the drastic change in my attitude to entering a Fun Run

1. Achievable
10 kilometres is the standard distance of fun runs in Australia, but I know I would be walking most of that.  With a 5km circuit, there is the very slightest possibility of attempting to run/jog the whole thing.  Hope is there. I have a gut feeling that I could actually jog 5 kilometres by 6 March.  This is a challenge that I may be able to meet.  And that is exciting. That is MOTIVATING!

2. The Right Time 
The 5km fun run is also conveniently timed for the end of my 8 week challenge - which ends on 7 March.  Serendipitous timing.  The fact that I am feeling really proud of myself with the things I have done for the last few weeks.  I am putting the work in to meet my goals. But I would need to keep on putting the work in to be able to jog 5kms.  So, the timing is also MOTIVATING me to keep on with the great choices I am making each day (each hour, each minute).


What now?
As I write, I am even thinking whether I could do my own fun run.  Find out what the circuit would be and get my husband to be my time-keeper, and do the 5km run just before I leave!


I really am feeling comfortable with the healthy eating choices I am making, and with the exercise I am doing.

The true aim of this 8 week challenge is to kickstart life-long changes to my eating and exercise habits.

May be it is working?

Four reasons why am I using a personal trainer

Considering the amount of money I spent in 2010 on personal training sessions, and only seeing very poor results, you'd think I would never use a personal trainer again.  $2000 = 5 kilos lost.   My first personal trainer experience was a big FAIL.

But, that was my fault. Not theirs.

Nebulous goal + no changes to eating = FAIL

Here are four reasons why I am using a personal trainer again in 2011

Because I need help.
I have a specific goal, and I am not confident that I have enough will-power to get out of bed and do a meaningful high intensity workout for 45 minutes without someone there waiting for me to turn up.  My excuses are legendary.  And, I don't want to start out with the enthusiasm most projects start out with, only to see them fizzing very soon after.

The PT is there to make me do the workout even when I really, really, really, really couldn't give a damn that I am staving off diabetes, or wanting to fit into my valedictory dress, or when the devil on your shoulder tells you that "you've I've already done heaps, you deserve a break".

Because I have a goal
I have a clearly articulated SPECIFIC goal, that is measurable and time-limited. I want to achieve my goal - and so I will do whatever it takes to help me get there.  And since I know myself pretty well now, I could easily chuck it all in when my depression hits, or if work becomes too tough, or ... well you get the picture.

I have a goal, and I am used to dissappointing myself by not meeting my goals. A personal trainer will be a constant reminder of my goal.

Because I am committed to healhty eating
I finally acknowledge that I ate myself into this size, every bite counted.  I have also seen that just getting fitter does not help me get skinnier - and I am $2000 worse off for that timely piece of self-awareness.  So, no matter how much I want that hot cocoa after dinner, I am committed to changing my eating habits. I am maintaining a food diary. I have committed to paleo eating for four weeks (and likely eight).

Because I am making those changes to diet, I expect my personal training sessions to provide me with weight-loss results.

A plan for life without PT
I can't see the point of my goal - to maintain a healthy BMI for the rest of my life - IF I have to have three (3) personal training sessions each week for the rest of my life to achieve it.

So, I have already put limits on how long I will go to a personal trainer.  This allows me to have control over my goal and my INTENTIONS for exercise - fitness for life.  I am using the personal training to achieve my first 8 week challenge.  There are other ways for the remaining goals to be achieved - PT may or may not be part of the plan.

For example, in my first 5 week challenge (to 12 April) I intend to replace 2 weeks worth (6) of personal training sessions with 10 sessions of hot yoga - steamy sweaty 1 hour yoga sessions.  This will give me a break from PT, will give me some insight into how my body responds to different types of exercise, and will help me determine whether I actually turn up to a group class after promising myself I would. It will also give my hip pocket a break - the hot yoga is local and has a 10 session introductory offer!

My personal training experience #2

At my first session in 2010 with Andy-the-personal-trainer, it was all about benchmarking.

The nitty gritty
Andy weighed me, measured me up (arms, thighs, chest, waist, hips), and pinched my fat to measure that too.  All extremely humiliating while he was alway upbeat and cheerful.

The rest of the session was doing a series of exercises to "benchmark" me against what he called standard measures - how fast I rowed 500 metres, sit ups, push ups, and so on.  It was intense, but I did feel the feel-good endorphins flowing afterwards (and sore for quite a few days after it).

Goalsetting
And we talked about my goals. I was not very specific about that, just saying I wanted to be "fitter", and healthy before I tried to get pregnant.  Losing weight was what I was specifically after.

Andy wanted me to think of goals like "run a marathon", or "bench-press 60 kilos". I had no idea what he was talking about, and I had no ambition to run a marathon. I wanted to lose weight, so I said my goal was to fit into a size 10.

So we discussed my diet. More in the next post.

Week 2 wrap up

Weigh in day today, and while not brilliant on the scales, I am not one to complain about a downward trend.

Tuesday 1 February 2011 - 89.6kg (home scales)

Why am I blue?  It is all to do with the lovely hormones. At least I now understand why I was completely overwrought angry and emotional for a few days late last week, why I have been craving sugar (chocolate preferred), and why I have been feeling so bloated and uncomfortable despite eating far cleaner than I have for quite a few months. It is THAT time of month.

What makes this quite emotionally traumatic for me, though, is that six weeks ago I was pregnant. But, I lost my daughter. So this is my body telling me it is back in the baby making game if I want to be.  I am not sure if I am.

So, if I am feeling less than enthusiastic about my successes this week - and there have been quite a few successes - so be it.  I am giving myself permission to be as blue as I need to be.

But, for the record my achievements this week

• Getting below 90kilos and losing a total of 2.1 kilos by week 2
• Going to all my personal training sessions
• Running/walking/jogging 4kms in under 30 minutes
• Succumbing to a piece of cake and NOT turning it into a binge session. Twice
• Getting to a low of 89.4kg before the bloat took me back into the 90's.
• Taking Dusty for a long walk this morning when it would have been easier to leave it when my legs felt like jelly after my training session (100 thrusters, 50 burpees)
• choosing healthy options while dining out

The paleo problem #3: saying no to sugar

Paleo eating means saying no to sugar. This is EXTREMELY difficult.  Why?

1. Sugar is an addictive substance and we suffer chemical withdrawal symptoms when we stop eating products containing sugar
2. We all eat around one (1) kilo of sugar each week - even if you don't sweeten your tea - as sugar is added to every conceivable food product that is mass produced (reference - Sweet Poison).  

Even soy sauce can have sugar in its ingredients list.  

I am finding it difficult this week. My first week of paleo eating was fine. This weekend - a lot harder.  I am emotional and moody, so I expect hormones are getting me going at the moment. And my normal reaction to being emotional and moody? Sweet sweet baked goods (or chocolate of course). 

I did a marathon baking session before going on this challenge to get rid of sugar in my pantry. The result? A lot of sweet treats like cake, biscuits and cupcakes, portioned in little packets in the freezer for my husband to take to work as treats.

At 3pm on Saturday and 3pm on Sunday, I ate a slice of cake from the freezer.  It is done.  But my feelings?

1. Disappointed.  I ate cake when I said I wouldn't.
2. Resigned - so I at least tried to taste each bite rather than eat it mindlessly.  
3. Happy - I didn't turn it into a binge fest as I stuck to one piece of cake each day.

Sugar and the long term
Eating paleo actually makes getting rid of sugar in my diet easier, because the only "allowed" food that has significant sugar levels in it is fruit.

Despite my cake setbacks on the weekend, I could be convinced to remove sugar from my diet forever more.  Why?

I am currently reading Sweet Poison, so I am pretty convinced that sugar is evil and I want it out of my life completely.  Stay tuned for further information to this monumental change in my life.

Week 1 success

Week one of the eight week challenge is over. And I am pretty pleased.

1. I have completed three personal training sessions, which included a personal best for 500m rowing (2.01 minutes). 
2. I walked the dog 12 times (missed two sessions).
3. I completed one session of hill sprints.
4. I have been sugar free for 7 days
5. I completed my food diary each day.
6. I have eaten strictly paleo, with the exception of the hot chocolate debacle. 

And the results of this spartan discipline (sans the hot cocoa)?


1.6 kilos down!!!

• Tuesday 17 January I was 91.7 kilos (home scales)
• Tuesday 25 January I am 90.1 kilos (home scales

Now I am off to training where I should be weighed in too.

The scales at home and at training don't match up, but not too badly from what I can tell.  The first weigh in showed the home scales at 91.7; the PT scales at 91.9.

Hill sprints and a confession

Well today incorporates both sweet success and bitter failure.

I walked Dusty this morning for a good long striding walk and then... wait for it... I did 10 repetitions of hill sprints.  I am pretty chuffed with myself.

I am tired now - bone weary in fact after my first day back at work from time off, and getting our dinner ready (baked lemon and oregano chicken with roast pumpkin and steamed greens).  But the kitchen is cleared now, leftovers for lunches packed, and with a little time left over to write this post.

My failure?  Hot chocolate.  Now it is both very bad and not so bad. I made it on a teaspoon of bitter cocoa powder and a teaspoon of barley malt syrup (a natural fructose-free sweetener) with hot water and a brief pour of (this is the very bad bit)... cream.  I have had this four times during the week.

This is the only anti-paleo food I have eaten.  Is that an excuse? A plea for forgiveness?  Nope.  I did it. I acknolwedge it. I move on. Today ends the hot chocolates. 

What I need to do to achieve goal number one? Addendum

At my training session today I asked Will - a lovely trainer who works with Andy - for further advice on my first goal and how to get there.

He confirmed that my goal was achievable, to go from obese to overweight in eight weeks.  However, he knows I have to lose 12 kilos rather than 10, so he suggested a few other things as well.

To help me get there, Will said I should make sure I keep up walking the dog twice a day, and include a session (or two?) of hill sprints through the week.

So the tactics to achieve my goal are

1. A committed change to my diet
2. Keep a food diary
3. 3 x 45 minute high intensity personal training sessions a week 
4. A fourth high intensity group session by week 3(ish)
5. 1 or 2 hill sprint sessions a week
6. Daily dog walks (I walk Dusty twice a day)
   

More sensible people would say things like, "there are way too many new habits that I have to include in my regular routine", or "you've got to be kidding, no way can I include that much exercise into my already busy week", or perhaps what I said..."OMG, hill sprints?"

Will my lifestyle have to adjust? Yes.  But I already committed to that when I stopped ingesting sugar dairy and grains...

The bottom line is my goal - to maintain a healthy weight for life.  I don't want to be obese any longer. I want to reach my goal. And the first step is to watch what I put in my mouth. The second is to get more active.

So, I say, yes, I can do this.  With help.

Exercise scheduled in

Some sources say only exercise will help you lose weight. Others say only diet will help you lose weight. Most say, try both to lose weight.

Goals to do with losing kilos are not Andy-the-personal-trainer's preference. But, as he said, "While it is the easiest way to measure success, it is not the best.  But, you do have a bit of weight to lose, so let's use that for your first goal." Thanks Andy.  Appreciated.

The training.
I have scheduled three high intensity training sessions.

• Tuesday 6.30am 
• Thursday 6.30am 
• Saturday 7.00am  

I am a morning person, so that suits me really well.

I haven't sorted out a group session time yet. I'll do that next week.

Good, exercise scheduled in. Tick.

What I need to do to achieve goal number one?

I need to change my lifestyle to be able to achieve my goal of getting to 80 kilos by 7 March.

I contacted Andy from AJ Fitness last week to help me. 

He has said my goal to lose 10 kilos in 8 weeks was achievable.  I was 90 kilos when I called him. However, when I started with him on Tuesday 17 January, I was 92 kilos.  So, I am not sure if 12 kilos lost in 8 weeks is achievable.  I'll keep you posted.

Andy demands

1. A change in my diet.
2. Keep a food diary
3. 3 x 45 minute training sessions a week 
4. A fourth group session by week 3(ish)

I'll be scheduling in sessions and working through the changes to eating issues in the coming posts.

It begins today!

I begin my 8 week challenge this morning, with my first session with Andy-the-personal-trainer. Wish me luck.

So, what has changed to make me motivated to lose 12 kilos by 7 March?

What has really changed?  Nothing that I can see but a feeling of determination that I cannot explain.

Is it being the new year perhaps?  Or is it driven from my personal tragedy? I fell pregnant but my baby was stillborn - is this to help me concentrate on looking after myself to avoid falling into sever depression?

I know in my gut that I am the only one who can change the way I eat, look, and feel.  I have also just read the Sweet Poison quit plan, so maybe I am laying all my hopes that I will not overeat once I remove sugar from my life?  I am not sure.  Yet.

Goal number one

Because 3 - 0 - is way too big a number in terms of the losing kilos, I have decided on an immediate short term goal to help me on the way to my ULTIMATE GOAL- maintaining a healthy BMI for the rest of my life.

Remembering what makes an achievable goal - specific, measurable, time-targetted, realistic - I am going to concentrate on going from inhabiting the "obese" category and slip into the "overweight" category.


My goal is to go from obese to overweight within eight weeks.

On Friday 14 January, my scales said I was 91.9 kilos.

For me to become "overweight" I need to lose 11.9 kilos and get to 80 kilos or lower.

To reach my goal I must lose 11.9 kilos and weigh 80 kilos or less by Tuesday 7 March, 2011.

I think that is specific, measurable and time-targeted.  Is it realistic?  It is going to be extremely tough to lose an average of 1.5 kilos over eight weeks.  But I think the goal has to be challenging, and I will get advice to see if it is realistic!

My Ultimate Goal

Ultimate Goal: To maintain a healthy BMI  (22-24) for the rest of my life.

Let me unpack what my ultimate goal actually means for me right now, today.

Wikipedia tells me that a good goal needs to be "specific, measurable, and time-targetted"... and that if it is "realistic" it is more likely to be achieved.

Specific
I am 92 kilos (202 pounds). To reach a BMI of 22.5 - exactly halfway between the "healthy" numbers 20-25 -  I need to be 62 kilos.


I need to lose 30 kilos (66 pounds). hmm...

I am already feeling too much pressure just writing that number.  Way too big a number, way too big a goal to start off with. No way can I lose 30 kilos.  I am already feeling scared and wanting to grab a chocolate bar.

That completely FAILS the "realistic" side of a good goal.

I am going to have to break down my ultimate goal - to maintain a healthy BMI - into smaller achievable parts if I am even going to TRY to do this.

Four years obese

This blog started in 2006 when I weighed in at 85 kilos - officially obese according to the body mass index (BMI) classifications.  It was my attempt to keep me accountable to lose weight.  It failed.  I wrote three posts.

Fast foward to January 2011.  I am 92 kilos, with a BMI of 33. Well and truly obese.

I will use this blog to track my journey from obesity to a healthy me.  There will be challenges and pit falls - but I am ready to help myself.

My ultimate goal?  To maintain a healthy BMI for the rest of my life.